14 Feb 2017
1) MY BRIEF INTRO.
I, like many other middle-class Indian families, was born in a non-practising Hindu family where the parents were neither aware nor interested in any kind of spirituality, and neither was I. This phenomenon is the most common among urban Indian middle class and the primary focus was on education, and getting a good performance in my academics and extra curriculars which I did with ease. I was always at the top of whatever I did, be it academics or sports, had a very fulfilling and healthy childhood. Perhaps one of the best one could hope for. Parents may not be very spiritual but are good natured, do good, as karma comes back type as most Hindus of 60-70s era are.
Things were awesome till I was 14 and then suddenly (within 1 week) one day my world collapsed. What happened is not much concern to the topic of this thread but, retrospectively, I would say that what people loosely call 'black magic' in East as well as in West was the cause. I underwent huge transformation and though things remained normal from the outside perspective and my parents, being materialistic, never bothered much about my condition as I was still one of the (if not the best anymore) in my school as well as my locality but, internally, I was in hell.
From a positive extremely friendly kind of guy I became an angry, negative, distant and argumentative brat. Internally all I could feel was that I was somehow 'cut-off' from my body (this may be a bit hard to digest for some). I was unable to feel any emotion except a deep anger and an ever growing depression about which neither my family nor I ever had a clue. However, despite all this, I somehow achieved what the BKs have loosely borrowed from the hindu-buddhist faith, the state of a 'sakshi drashta'.
All I could do was observe continuously my constant mental/emotional/psychological deterioration. Whether awake or asleep, a part of me was however detached and coolly observing everything. But since I was spiritually illiterate at that time (hell, I never even knew about the existence of this word and I was barely 14 at this age), I never realised what was happening with me, except for the fact that I could see that life was going downhill very fast and I just withdrew in a shell as teenagers do, mostly at that age whenever they feel sad and lonely.
Since, I had lost all my emotions, suddenly I started faking it (yep ... I have firsthand experience of sociopathic tendencies). Also, one thing that I have not shared is that I was known in my school for my exceptional memory and concentration. I could read a book and repeat it word perfect with little difficulty. Even to this day, the essays I wrote on hibernation of animals I remember!;). However, once this negative phase in my life started, I started losing all my concentration. I could not read simple lines, could not remember tables, constantly my mind would be running in different directions, I would find impossible to even listen to simple instructions in class as my brain just lost its focusing power, totally. Still, I got 90%+ marks in my high school and was one of the best students many teachers had taught in their entire careers (using their first hand words).
Slowly and steadly conditions became worse still. I started forgetting the route to my home, I would secretly pray (without knowing to whom I was doing it) for giving me death. But I never indulged in any kind of boozing, drugs etc as the entire atmosphere in my house and friend circle was never like that. Things became unbearable and, finally, when I was in 12th standard, I tried to commit suicide. This totally alarmed my parents and they started my treatment of bipolar (which was 5-6 years old by then). Drugs subdued my suffering a bit but since I was already at near-zero-emotions level they never made much difference. My Father got transferred to a new city by then I was a lost case. I used to curse GOD all the time in my heart.
As happens commonly in India, when such things happen with someone, people suggest along with medical treatment people they know who deal with 'supernatural influences'. I was living in a particular locality and one such neighbour suggested to my mother to take me to a man who was considered spiritually advanced (don't confuse with tantrik, he was a 'bhakt', a different category altogether). Parents by then were desperate to find solace in anything and my Father, despite his cynicism, took me there.
Now, enough negativity on this post by me. However, it was necessary as you will see in my later posts how these horrible experiences later helped me understanding about 'spirits/ghosts' etc. Only positives from next post as I transformed totally about which I will tell you shortly. Now, I can understand if you do not believe me when I say 'black magic' or 'spirit' as I have basically skipped all the details and wrote a summary here, and that too hurriedly, but don't be a fool and disbelieve me, especially before I have barely begun.