- Posts: 79
- Joined: 02 Aug 2012
It is possible that this woman's encounter with the BKs (and likely some other factors) has triggered some latent psycho or neurological condition that may have emerged later anyway, in other manifestations. It is fortunate Manojag that you have some resources to afford professional help - which, to be sure, is a strain financially to all but the wealthiest citizens.
The joke says - "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change " There's serious implications in that.
In reference to Ex-Brahma's point earlier - true enough that waiting alone is unlikely to help, but ... it is often a case of providing the conditions by which healing occurs naturally over time. I encourage Manojag to keep up support for a while longer. With the right therapy, right support and conditions ...
It's better not to argue with her about her belief, practice or philosophy - that may only make her defensive, reinforcing her determination to assert her current state, rather than allowing her to allow change. It makes her identify more with those being attacked whom she already identifies with (the persecution" complex ex-l referred to). Also avoid the trap of thinking, "I am normal/I am right, she is sick/she is wrong". Accept her as a person who goes through changes as we all do, and will continue to change, as we all do. It is the BK mentality that sees things fixed and forever.
Consider what has happened as the equivalent as having been kidnapped, or having been in a serious accident or a similar trauma, where the person has been deeply changed, and needs considerable time for recovery. It cannot be forced.
My suggestion is to regularly make the time and sit and talk face to face, over tea or somewhere where there is no distractions or rush. When you talk to her, talk to the person you have known for a long time, not just the current state. Between you, you may find some insights into how you, she & your relationship has travelled over the years. Speak lovingly about things you know she cares about - about each of your children, what they are doing, their friends the community, her family or friends, talk of past times when children were younger, what plans and desires were had when younger that are still to be fulfilled. Talk of places with fond memories - especially speak of good news, bonding her to her broader sense of herself and her community.
Bad news feeds the BK mentality of an "impure world" to be shunned.
You said that your children are now grown. Many women struggle with their sense of identity once that role of mothering has been left behind. They struggle with their purpose, their desire to keep nurturing or helping others, what their future may hold (never underestimate what ageing and the increasing approach of mortality does to anyone's attitudes and mentality, not to mention menopause/hormonal shifts).
Keeping grounded by being busy with essential tasks for living is important - cooking, shopping, cleaning, gardening, as well as beneficial diversions for recreation of body and mind, like walks in nature or exercise or sports or social time with (the right kind of) friends. Travel to completely new places if you can - often good as it breaks the mould of one's world view, broaden one's horizons.
Finding the right medications and dosages for the individual is a journey in itself. Drug therapy is usually not "the answer" but a step to "stabilising" that then allows for other therapy through counselling or psychology. You may need to discuss with the therapist the longer term strategy for helping her find a new sense of herself in terms of self-worth, place in society etc. As ex-l says, someone who understands cult psychology is preferable.
Make this healing a partnership rather than making her a victim or a culprit. Discuss with the therapist privately a realistic timeline for progress. Only if that is not being met at all, and alternatives have also been given a chance and failed, would you say she is a hopeless case. You may need to answer some questions honestly yourself if you're feeling you don't want to exercise the patience and compassion that may be called for.
If I sound as if I am being too free with advice - I am only offering from my experience.