driedexbk wrote:No, Enlightened. I have experienced the anger of some BK's in many occasions, thus it is not "clearly not allowed to express" (anger).
Hi Dried Ex BK
Maybe I should have said that 'anger is not encouraged within the organisation'. I don't know if you remember or not but their teachings clearly said that anger is one of the 5 vices and that we should keep away from those 5 vices.
Of course, what I am sharing is from the perspective of being a very young child who is growing into a teenager and then adult and receiving this kind of dogma from a very young age. The reality was/is, of course that some BK's did get angry, especially the senior BK's from time to time, however, from the eyes of a child, it was a very confusing message, one that a growing child should not be exposed to.
I find that as a result of not being able to express my anger etc, that people have taken and still take me for a ride. People have taken and still take advantage of me. I think that the restrictions I was brought up with have made me feel very powerless in many situations I come across even today.
Sometimes, I just observe the children of today in general and think, wow, look how expressive they are.
It was drummed into my head that I have to be good all the time, I have to be positive all the time, that I must not get angry, that I must do what god says or else I will be punished, I mustn't read novel, I mustn't watch tv or films, I mustn't go out with friends, I mustn't go to the cinema, I mustn't eat out, I mustn't eat food made by other people, I must only eat food prepared by BK's, I must be detached from all my friends and relatives, I mustn't go to parties, I must not have any desires, I must not have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I must not get married, I must live a celibate life, I mustn't have children, only the BK knowledge taught in the BK university with create your future fortune, study in other universities is only temporary and will not create your future fortune, destruction is coming so do as much service as you can now, give your bones to service, give all your mind, body and wealth to God. etc.
I could go on and on but this is only one hundredth of stuff that was drummed into my subconscious.
I was told that if there is something wrong, then just go and sit in front of 'Baba' and it will get resolved. I wasn't allowed to communicate my feelings especially with the Seniors. If I did, then they would say you think too much or that things will sort themselves out. If I was abused, I was told well that's your problem, you shouldn't have allowed it to happen.
Basically, there was no where I could turn to. It felt like every where I turned to, someone slams the door shut on my face. Eventually, this too made me feel very lonely, isolated, shut of from the world, dull, too quiet, passive, unable to express, unable to get success in my education, unable to get success in my career, unable to have success in day to day relationships.
I just felt like my life was like a zombi. It was only when I stopped going to the Brahma Kumaris, only when I stood back that I began to realise what a mess my life has been, how dominating and controlling some of the members and senior members are and have been, that I began to question some of the things I lived and witnessed.
Going through the process of psychotherapy has actually brought me back in touch with my true self, with my true feelings. It feels so good to be in touch with myself again! It feels great to see how wonderful life can actually be without being bombarded with any kind of doctrine, dogma, restrictions, rules, regulations etc It feels good to be me...
Regards
Enlightened