Thanks adikarisoul and pilatus. Your sharing made me think about my issues along similar lines. I guess that all of my life i have had an 'eating disorder' though it is one at the opposite end of the spectrum as adi has so bravely shared, however a problem nonetheless. Gyan did NOT help me to address this issue neither was i ever under the impression that it was meant to help.
As far back as I can remember I have had an almost criminal disregard for my body in as far as food intake is concerned. I can go for days eating very little without suffering any
visible side-affects - apart from maintaining a slim appearance. Anorexic? I do not quite know the science or psychology of anorexia so I wont even attempt to self-analyse but I used to say - with some foolish pride - that eating was a much over-rated pastime! Was I screwed up or what!
But over the past year or so I have begun to reflect on these things and one big, big surprise (turnaround) is that i no longer feel comfortable treating my body in this way. In fact, this might sound odd to many people but I have
discovered that being without adequate food intake feels really, really awful! It is as if my body is finally able to get a message through to me. Brother, it says. for heavens sake, eat something!
With my history, I confess that this awakening has been a great shock to my system. So i started to look around into my past (especially childhood and early adulthood) for clues as to where this unbalanced attitude towards food may have its roots. This self-examination is a work-in-progress but i am picking up some interesting clues.
I feel certain that this much welcome opening in my psyche has come hand-in-hand with my exiting BKWSU phase. NO, I am not blaming the BKWSU for my ills in this area but I wonder a bit about the negative personality traits and personal habits I allowed to persist despite of receiving the most elevated instruction about ... everything? Maybe I gave greater importance to so-called spiritual enlightenment over ensuring that I maintained a body 'fit and proper' for the soul to be resident in. Ah well.
Yesterday i tipped the scales at 69.85322498Kg (11st), the heaviest I have ever been in my life I am quite sure. Talk about being shocked, pleased and proud of myself all at the same time
But what has changed i wondered? I still skip many mealtimes but i no longer place any great store in this destructive tendency, especially whenever i recognise those hunger pangs. Oh and I have started to exercise again (jogging) and plan to re-incorporate some of the other physical wellness stuff that i never made time for whilst a BK student.
Overall I think that from childhood i have allowed myself to be conditioned by restrictions and prohibitions through which my all-round personal development has been arrested. The journey out of or toward a more self-determined association with the BKs may be indicative that I am growing-up and so need to break free of the shackles - which were at one time supports that i clung to for dear life. And yes, I too will need professional assistance.
Because i am not a bona-fide ex-BK yet this feedback does not really focus on what one might coin as "post Gyan traumatic syndromes" but as a matter of personal record regarding diet and the like I felt motivated to share. As for alcohol and drug experiences ... to be continued at some future date maybe.
Perhaps this topic may lead us down a path in which we explore if/how some spiritual lifestyles prey upon whatever tendencies toward addiction, compulsion, and other forms of self-abuse we may have in our psyche. Sort of like, instead of reforming holistically we simply find our weaknesses disguised or rendered dormant in the name of God, Service or an institution that promises Spiritual transformation without really looking at the nitty gritty.
Thanks again and apologies for the length of this post.