XBK Chat (unofficial archive) A former meeting place for past members of Brahma Kumaris    FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Profile   You have no new messages   Log out   Why do BKs leave their Children?          XBK Chat Forum Index -> XBK discussions View previous topic :: View next topic   Author Message Tete Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:41 pm    Post subject: Why do BKs leave their Children? Members, Can any of you shed some light as to why BKs leave their children? Why is this encouraged? Can any of you relay any stories of some that have? I once saw a post about this but have been unable to find it again. Regards, Tete sister Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 8 Location: the Netherlands Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:21 pm    Post subject: Why do BKs leave their children Dear Tete, As I was unable to respond on your post to me, I looked for other topics from you. You wrote you are married to an exBK for 14 years. Was he a BK during your marriage? And are you still married to him? You asked what drove me into BK. And also what I found out to make me leave BK. Well, one of the things was their strange ideas about families. I met BK during a course 'positive thinking' and was pulled by the quiet and peaceful atmosphere at the headcenter (Amsterdam). I didn't know at all where I was entering in. I was in my twenties then and had some severe problems with my parents. For me it seemed relaxed to cut all ties with them. Afterwards I found out what pains I coursed by doing so! At BK they don't only advise to leave your children, but also your parents, husband or wife (if they make problems with living platonic). In fact, having any relation (=links, bonds) emotionally, will stand in the way to really surrender to BK. The biggest danger (or first reason) to leave BK is to have emotional relations. They will not force you to leave your family or children, but keep on talking how good it will be to be completely detached from those you love. As they say: you can only enter golden age when you're fully detached from all worldly things (children included). I've been a BK for almost 4 years and kept on feeling a strong desire to have children, to start a family, to have someone to love me also physically, that's what made me leaving BK. Some other reasons were: I was visited by bad spirits which made me really anxious, I felt quilty everytime I did or even thought something 'wrong'. Some little voice inside me told me this couldn't be god, wanting me to offer my life in this way. I took a lot of time to become free of all BK-things. Want to know more? I like to tell you. love, _________________ Luke 6:27-38 double_light Joined: 07 Jul 2005 Posts: 23 Location: portuguese living in Sweden Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:57 pm    Post subject: Once more, my conclusion is that is completelly different at all BK centers... I was married when I found BK. Very unhappilly married and divorce it would be a matter of time. When I found BK, after I started to atend the morning classes everyone was telling me about how important it was to stay in the family... And I did, as much as I could. I didn't have any children, but I had a husband that was totaly dependent on me at the same time that he was psychic abusing me... May sound as contradiction but it was like that. If my life at home was a living hell before BK, after BK I don't know what I should call it. It came even more fight, jeleusy, emotional blackmaling into my life... Looking back.... I really don't know where I had strength to stand all that. And I'm very glad that despite the advices of the elders I got the courage and the strength to leave... In my view this is abusing of power. What right do they have or does anyone has to influence other people family lives or decisions in these lengths??? If for most of the people I met there I know they are there with good intentions and open and honest heart, I still think that many of them go over all the limits, and everything because they believe everything they do is aproved by God... I'm just glad I'm out of that stuff! Love and light _________________ XBK, happy with the present moment ex-london Joined: 18 Jul 2005 Posts: 131 Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:52 am    Post subject: abuse of power / a lack of real humility double_light wrote: I was married when I found BK. Very unhappilly married and divorce it would be a matter of time. When I found BK, after I started to atend the morning classes everyone was telling me about how important it was to stay in the family... Looking back.... I really don't know where I had strength to stand all that. And I'm very glad that despite the advices of the elders I got the courage and the strength to leave... In my view this is abusing of power. This is very personal but I have to agree with you entirely. I had a very, very similar experience not as a partner in a relationship but as a child in a family - and it came right form the top; Sudesh, Jayanti, Janki ... I had very, very real family problems and had actually already left the family home a history of abuse that went back three generations. At the same time as I came into gyan, I went back temporarily to visit the family in the hope that I could resolve them, on holiday basically. All craziness kicked off because on top of the history they reckoned that I had gotten sucked into a cult. In trying to do the right thing, I went to the centre and got passed down to the headquarter to take " Shrimat " from the seniors. It was all very painful and humiliating because on one hand I knew what to do [ go back to my own home / life ] but on the other, I was desperately keen to follow Shrimat and do the right thing by God. The seniors took exactly the same position and to be frank, a) it was entirely inappropriate because they knew and asked nothing of the circumstances and b) just plain hand-washing and ass-covering on their behalf. Basically, whilst the system encourages you do all these crazy things, when problems that they know damn fine arise [ e.g. strong cult related reactions from non-gyani family and friends ] they just wash their hands, drop you like a hot brick and keep you at a distance. Its your problem not theirs. Like you, it almost broke me. I should have listened to my own intuition then. Theirs was not a proper spiritual path. They had not a real cllue of what was going on. As a junior student you were encouraged to believe that the Seniors and their Shirmat were equal to God and to be followed at all costs and yet all they were doing were shirking their responsibilities and parroting what they read. Especially back then as they basically had no experience of Western families and social conventions. All you got were thoughtless Hindu values applied inappropiately. This last comment also underlines another problem --- for as much as they beelive they and only they are enlightened and pure, basically a small or great degree of B.K. were just Hindu / Sindhi manmat or social conventions that reacted very strongly and negatively to any questioning nevermind logical rational challenges. And they have not got it right. However, the B.K. system, with all its Indian nationalism, strong supports their view that they had got it right, their way was the only right way and that Hindi-ism was the one and only right path. God only knows why I carried on trusting and following them from that point on ... and do they ever admit to not knowing and screwing up nevermind apologise? Do they ever admit to learning from the West and non-Hindi ways? Do they ever admit their system is incomplete and imprefect ... ? I would kind of call that a lack of real humility. I can see why I did ... I had a genuine love of God / humanity / searching in me *OR* I had spiritual pre-programming that could be easily exploited my such folk or their spirit guides. Your thoughts? double_light Joined: 07 Jul 2005 Posts: 23 Location: portuguese living in Sweden Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:13 am    Post subject: Ex-London wrote: Quote: In trying to do the right thing, I went to the centre and got passed down to the headquarter to take " Shrimat " from the seniors. It was all very painful and humiliating because on one hand I knew what to do [ go back to my own home / life ] but on the other, I was desperately keen to follow Shrimat and do the right thing by God. I think that most of BKs don't dare to take these kind of resolutions by themselves. They always feel that they should speak with the seniors first and listen to their advices. IT IS humiliating as it is a way of giving up the power you have over your life, like you had no wisdom/ knowledge/ maturity/ intelligence to take your own decisions. Decisions that only one should take and noone else. Ex-London wrote: Quote: God only knows why I carried on trusting and following them from that point on ... (...) I can see why I did ... I had a genuine love of God / humanity / searching in me *OR* I had spiritual pre-programming that could be easily exploited my such folk or their spirit guides. I made myself the same question many times.... "How could I give BK so much power over me and my life and happiness"... In my case I think it was both... 1) The love for God. If you see BK as an institution founded by God, if you feel it is like that, if you have true Love for God... Than you're stucked... At least I was... 2) And I also had searched for answers so long... Suddenly in BK everything matched. Or at least the most felt so right... And what doesn't felt right I just thought (been told) that it was a matter of time. That I would get it when the moment would come, a matter of spiritual growing and maturing... After some point I stoped questioning. I was anyway to occupied with so much shrimat to follow. And because I suffered from depression the sleeping depraving was killing me, my brain was everything but bright that time... And the lack of humility? Yes! It is the greatest arrogance to preach that we own the truth, the ONLY truth! That we own God! It sounds so grosse right now when I think about it... Almost makes me sick... I'm glad with the fact, that after everything, I learned to think again for myself. The fact that I accepted that in this world there is space and time for many different realities, ways of thinking, truthes, makes me feel enourmously free. Also makes me understand and accept other human beings in an equal basis. I just sorrow the fact that I lost the relationsheep I had with God before BK... It's the piece that is left for me to put in place again... And I don't know where to start as it became completely mixed with BK points of view.... _________________ XBK, happy with the present moment Tete Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 169 Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:15 pm    Post subject: Why do BKs leave their children/family Dear Sister, Yes I am still married to an XBK and only now am I beginning to learn about the organization. I started to reply to you earlier, but the reply has turned in to a long, long reply and my husband will read it before I post it as I don’t want any conflict in saying things I shouldn’t. I imagine he deserves his privacy, I am always talking every where I go and on occasion tell a story or two that causes him to ask what am I up to. So, yes I am all ears and want to hear anything you are willing to offer. Finding information on BKs can be a daunting task and at times I found myself going in circles. I did find a story about the Polish mother that has put quite a fight in gaining access to her daughter that had joined the BKs but beyond that nothing. By daunting I mean that essentially body of information was all in Polish. So, thank you Sister, Ex-London and double_light for sharing your insights. I once remember one person, asking about his insight (from my husband), now in retrospect he was probably seeking a second opinion having received “counsel” from the senior sister. You know when some one “counsels” you and you just don’t quite think the advice you are getting is the right one. Do you know if these sisters have some sort of training or do they wing it (make it up as they go). Regards, Tete ex-london Joined: 18 Jul 2005 Posts: 131 Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:23 pm    Post subject: Re: Why do BKs leave their children/family Tete wrote: Do you know if these sisters have some sort of training or do they wing it (make it up as they go). Absolutely none at all in terms of counselling, therapy, relationships therapy etc. And there is no formal " buddy " system, open counsel, recording or accountability. They just have license to perform open soul surgery on any B.K. often in full public. But you see, they are above all that because that is just totally impure iron aged theory and they are amongst the 8 or 108 wisest souls in the world ... 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