Hi, I am new & would greatly appreciate some guidance

I would be glad if anyone could help me with this information;

What is the cost for attending a retreat?
If there is no set fee, what is the 'donation' if any supposed to be?
How far in advance is the bookings made?

This would be in the Blue Mountains retreat in Australia.

I would like to know so I can be aware of what I am being told is true. He tells me there is no cost at all. Will not tell me how long he has known that he is going. Thanks. I really appreciate it.

HI Di

Generally speaking, retreats are offered free by the BK's or at really minimal cost so he's probably telling you the truth here. But NOT knowing about this particular retreat I cannot tell you exactly.

Try find out if the retreat is a general retreat for everyone - if so then why not call the centre yourself - under a pseudonym - and tell them you're interested in going ... and find out the details, they'll provide that to you no problem and will treat you as a 'newbie' so you can ask a few questions without raising any suspicion.

However if its a BK only retreat then you won't be able to get the info as they'll know who's hot or not, just by your language usage and your questions.

On the subject of money, in my days, the cost of attending the centre as a regular morning student was 10% of one's income but retreats were very very cheap or virtually free to participants.
XX

However if its a BK only retreat then you won't be able to get the info as they'll know who's hot or not, just by your language usage and your questions.

Just say "Om Shanti" as soon as they answer the 'phone. That usually gets you accepted straight away.

Thanks guys. As you know its over. He doesnt want to be with me. He tells me he has a task and he must purify himself to be an instrument. The aim is to prevent the destruction of the world. He also stated there was absolutely nothing wrong with hugging or kissing anyone as long as it was done with control to ensure no lustful thoughts.

This guy has totally lost the plot. He said he would ask the highest BK at the retreat about the touching thing because I told him it was taboo. So what does this mean an instrument and the task please? He refused to tell me more. Cant stay with me because I wont follow him. None and bucklees of that happening. (Im not sounding like me at the moment, I sound hard, just trying to survive this. Have to tell the kids. I am sorry, I am a real mess)

He tells me he has a task and he must purify himself to be an instrument.

Sorry to say this is really bad news. If they have convinced him he is an instrument then he has to completely give up his own free will and goals and entirely serve the BK agenda for whatever task they have for him, which will probably be vague and to be revealed by "Baba" as part of the drama. I do not believe it will be to prevent the end of the world. I think he is lying there.

The BKWSU are hoping for the end of the world every year. When it does not come they say it is the fault of the BKs for not making enough effort. This is just the same reason the Jehovah's Witnesses gave their followers when their end of the world predictions failed to happen in 1925 and again in 1975. It is always your fault for not being ready. For not being pure enough.

I really do not understand anymore.

I asked him what will he do if he finds out what he is doing is not true. He said it just had to be right. If it did not work out, he would drink himself to death. I have tried everything, said everything, but nothing works. I have even said mean and nasty pointed things, and even though they hurt him, it made no difference. I do not understand, we loved each other so much. He tells me he still loves me but he is compelled. It hurts ... too much. This cannot be happening.

He said he will leave and sign the house over to me. I am going to have to work part time shift work and work my business which I do on my own, but should have 3 staff for. He loves me???? Cant someone make this better?? Please?? Do you know how far coffee goes when you throw it? I have never done anything like that before, and I said words that were very naughty ... worse thing was I had to clean it up ... how can it spread from the floor to the ceiling?? I am trying to be strong. He said everyone on here were fools ... I cannot save him can I? This will kill him when he works it out, what he has done. God help me

I really do not understand anymore.

I cannot save him can I?

Maybe it is for the best that you cut your losses and bail out now. Make sure they do not take any money or property rights with them. You must be feeling terrible. I hope you have some friends who live nearby who can help you and share your grief. You are always welcome to come here to us on this forum. Good luck and best wishes.

Thank you every one for holding my hand through this difficult time over the last 6 weeks especially. To think he knew all this and he was just trying to control me and condition me to what he wanted. Yes, I will start the legals straight after Easter. He wants to stay to get a bit of money together before he leaves.

I think I will line up some more work for myself and kick him out as soon as I can, when I am ready not when it suits him. Thank you. I do not think I could have managed without your help, friendship, love and honesty. I'll be OK. I've got a family to look after. When I get myself together , may take me a few months, I am taking a trip into this center. They destroyed my family and they are going to know about it (when I feel better of course). Bless you all.

Di

I really feel for you and know where you are coming from. I am sure you will be fine, managed before, got 3 beautiful children etc, this will make us braver and wiser. I am just waiting for my husband to do the same. I am already preparing myself now, getting my life back, going to join the gym again next week. We have to be strong for our children and we will ...

Thinking of you, onwards and upwards.

xx

Di

I am sorry you have to go through this.

You're partner is making a big mistake. He will never become pure by dismissing his responsibilities to you and the children.

You may not care for Murli (BK scriptures), but in them it says, "a sanyasi can never become pure because he commits the sin of leaving his wife and family".

Thank you John, he is only leaving because I will not sacrifice my life and love, and acccept a situation where I am last in his life and am prepared to accept what scraps he chooses to throw me when he has finished doing whatever he wants.

He still wants to have his comforts and convieniences. A rather cold and unloving life to send me to if I accepted. I feel I am worth just a tiny bit more than to be considered someone to be just tolerated and used. An unpaid housecleaner and income earner.

Hi Di

I am really sorry to hear this, i feel sorry for both of you as I fear one day he will have more sorrow than you.

all my love

I asked him what will he do if he finds out what he is doing is not true. He said it just had to be right. If it did not work out, he would drink himself to death. I have tried everything, said everything, but nothing works. I have even said mean and nasty pointed things, and even though they hurt him, it made no difference. I do not understand, we loved each other so much. He tells me he still loves me but he is compelled. It hurts ... too much. This cannot be happening.

Dearest DI,

Hope my words will give you some relief. I do understand your position very well because I've been through the same with a small or big difference: I was a BK and He was a non-BK when we met many years ago ... Therefore I can understand how you feel (being a woman myself) but I can also understand how he feels and why at the moment he cannot avoid doing what he does ... I am not a native English speaker but I'll try my best to make my point clear for you.

I met him when I'd already been 5 years in Gyan. The Honeymoon Period as a BK had finished and I was going through a terrible period due to the SS-like relationship and atmosphere imposed by the Sisters at the center I was attending. (By "SS-like", I truly mean Hitler's SS ...)

I became a BK in a foreign country and after two years I decided to go back to ... for the sake of service of humanity ... . And that was the beginning of a hellish period! One day I left the center crying hopelessly... I was crying on the street, on the bus and finally on the train (I was living 200 KMs away from the center as it was the only center in the whole country run by foreigner Sisters and I was the first BK in my own country ... ). I was sad, lonely and depressed. And it was then that a handsome young man asked me in a very sweet way, what was wrong with me and if he could help me in any way. He was so gentle and caring and did not know me at all ... I was touched by his behaviour and started talking to him. At the end of the trip I had the feeling of knowing him for ages ... I had told him about my BK-ism and about my problems with the sisters-in charge. And before leaving he gave me his phone number and told me that if I ever needed a friend to talk to I should have called him.

After 2 weeks I called him and we went out for an icecream. We continued to meet sometimes as I was completely alone in that town. After 2 months of our friendship, he suddendly told me that he was in love with me and wanted to be with me. I was shocked I sincerely hadn't imagined anything like that. My behaviour towards him had been completely friendly and I had never noticed any particular interest from him. Further I was a few years older than him and dressed as a BK with long skirts, large white blouses and no make up at all, could not believe that a young man like him could have any interest in me. I was in upheaval for a while then after a particularly nasty action from those two Sisters at the center I told them that I wanted to leave the BK. I wrote a long letter to the Seniors and honestly explained every single thing and left.

I called the guy and told him that I was out of it. I added that I was feeling something for him too but I did not want to have a sexual relationship. His reply was that he loved me so much for my generosity, my warmth, my enthusiasm etc., that he was ready to be with me even without any sex ... and so our relationship started. The first period was like paradise we were doing everything together but slept in different rooms. Then one day we made love together and the relationship changed, because I changed!! .

I did like it and we slept together several times and we enjoied it both very much! But then slowly and silently something inside myself started to change and to poison my life ... I don't know why but I couldn't help it ... I started to have nightmares. I was seeing in my dreams that my boyfriend had died because of me ... it was my fault, now I can understand that I was probably feeling guilty (on a subconscious level) for killing him spiritually ... As you may know, according to BK knowledge, sex-lust kills our higher consciouness = our soul consciounsness, in other words it kills the soul. Therefore as pukka (strong dedicated) BK we think that what the world considers an act of love is in reality the worst thing we can do to someone we love and to ourselves too. I am not saying this is right, I am just expressing what I was subconsciously thinking in that period.

Then I started to feel insecure about myself, my look. I started to become jealous of him. I would sleep with him because I wanted it and straight afterwards I would find an excuse to fight with him. I went through a period of real hell on hearth and took that poor guy with me. At that point I was in love with him too but my soul was like torn apart. I hated myself for what I was doing to him but could not help doing it. It's difficult to explain in words how we feel in such a situation.

On one side you have your human love, your feelings and your need for your companion and on the other side you've got your feelings of guilt, your desperation, your sensation of having become unworthy cause you've betrayed GOD by starting a lokik relationship and last but not least you have to cope with your fears. A deep intense fear that follows you like a shadow in any moment of your life as a couple. I believe that's the reason why people in such a situation behave in the way your husband is behaving and as I myself was behaving. It is not because we do not care, we do not love it's just because of desperation and of and immense FEAR on a subconscious level.

I will cut my story short now as I am not very good at writing long messages. But I can say that he was admirably courageous and patient with me. He was there with me when I went back to the BKs. He even joined himself the BKs for a while. Then after a period he stopped because many thing did not make sense to him but at the same time letting me free to continue.

He helped me in any ways and today we're still together! I am not a BK anymore because of my disappointment and of the same reasons as most of you here. He had warned me in the past about some things but at that time I did not believe him and told him he was saying those things because of "his impurity". Only now I realised he was right and I was wrong. You know DI, somehow I feel that it could be the same for you.

I am not saying you should become a BK not at all! Just try for a while to see his behaviour from a different point of view (I hope my experience will help you in that). Give yourself this opportunity at least for a short period and see what happens!!!. Let him free to be a BK. Don't tell him anything negative anymore. Don't force him to choose between you and the BKs as in this moment you would loose. Just give him time. Don't judge him if sometimes he needs your love and affection on physical level ... and don't point out to him that this is not "following purity". Give him the space and the time to understand and I'sure he will. I hope God will give you the courage to try ...

I send you all my love and sincere affection.

Adikari.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have put a different perspective on things. I was sort of thinking along these lines myself.

We had been together for about 12 months before he went strange and started to go back to meditation. I was thinking today this could have been due to some deep seated guilt. It was just before this that he started to be less affectionate. I still have to secure the house, or I'd prefer to just make it that he cant sell or sign it over to anyone but me. Without him I have a lifetime of nothing but hard work, loneliness, a house that needs attention I cant give it and when the kids leave home, nobody. Plus I still love him and I care what happens to him. I do not want to be deserting him at a time when he probably will need me the most (even if he doesnt think so).

Who he is now, is not who he really is. I thought its about time I could try some love bombing myself... not too much sugar though. Leave him alone, offer him cuddles, make home a comfortable loving place he will want to be. I do not know if it will work, but if he only has a few years of usefullness left to the BKs, and I know he loves me a great deal. At the moment all that's happening is he is being pushed further into them. This is going to be harder to do than to kick him out. I can only try, talk to counsellors myself and follow the guidelines of cult support groups.

I am still angry and hurt beyond belief but there was incredible love between us, and maybe, just maybe, if I put my needs aside for the moment (not forever) that love may be stronger than the BKs. Time will tell. Thank you so much for your openess. I needed to hear it is possible to eventually have a full and healthy loving relationship. So you think he will eventually see through the thin veil of 'niceness' of the BKs? even thought he is so far gone? I will try this, I had even thought of this today. I had been tackling this with forth right honesty and it did not work.

Maybe, keeping quiet, being the steadfast wife might eventually show him where his soul belongs. I will see how it goes ... if it doesnt work, I am no worse off. But it might save him from a full break down. In the meantime, as Bansy says, I will concentrate on myself and the kids, and do what I need to do for me.