05 Apr 2007
During my years in Gyan, I met few psychologists and various therapists that, being in contact with the BKs, noticed how our "spiritual family" seemed highly disfunctional, suggesting that members before getting involved and start teaching RajYoga should have undergo a proper treatment. At that time, as I was duped by the Bk-ism, I was defending with all my might the idea that RajYoga being the highest, is the panacea for all illnesses and how dare someone questioning that and why the need of looking any further?
There’s only one shop: Baba's general store. I noticed disfunctionalities in BKs behaviours and personalities but I hadn't quite noticed that my own disfunctionality had brought me to the BK and made me stay. Most of my personality problems and traumas, have just been swept under the carpet adhering to Bkism. I thought that some transformation had occurred and gradually I would become pure and free from all burdens. What really made me take a significant leap fwd, was Al-Anon. Those meetings made me open my eyes about deeply rooted sankars I had, areas that RajYog doesn't cover, and for which no real methods are given.
I was really stimulated by many of the mails around different topics , on the Forum, and want to try and summarize some of them. The picture is becoming clearer, in my mind. Some posters were saying that often officialized and life lasting celibacy is a hideout for people who have sexual problems and frustrations, and how a disability, the moment you come in Gyan, becomes an asset, something to become pride of and start preaching about. If u have problems at relating with the other gender, you can transform that handicap and boast your ego instead convincing yourelf that you are in fact higher than common people, an angel and deity from past and in the future.
If you have problems at loving people, either cannot love or love too much and consequently suffer, just hide behind the holiness of detachment. If you are a failure at your study and work, who cares, that’s only lokik stuff, and anyway destruction is around the corner, this is the real university and real biz, we'll get the true inheritance of Paradise through it. If you are unfit, sloppy or have eating disorders, it’s OK. It’s acceptable being fat, ugly and shabby; this is in line with soul consciousness. If you are depressed, have no interest in socializing, not going out, no interest in entertainment or cultural events; this is accurate according to Shrimat. Stay at home and meditate, a good introverted soul. If you are not generous or caring for others, it's OK; everyone has his own karma and part in Drama.
You can add so many cover ups we used for our weaknesses.More tahn anything, invest all your energy in the BK org, they’ll sooth you!
Epecifically about celibacy, I always looked down, even until recently, I confess, onto people who were in contact with the BKs (through programs, courses and retreats) and roam around hoping to meet a spiritual partner as they usually do in other organizations.
We are not like "Rajneesh, Sai Baba or Hare Krisna! One comes here to learn about purity and the sole relationship worthwhile is the one with God!" But today I was thinking, well what's wrong for people who have spiritual interests in wanting to meet friends with whom they can be on the same wavelength? Vegetarians, idealists unmaterialistics folks? Is it a crime wanting a companion? Is anybody not willing to be single forever, a "Shudra"?
I enjoyed those larks about Mr. Green making a good partner, since he underwent BK training and cohabitation! Sure, BK Brothers learn how to be self-sufficient, cook, clean and iron and can be less burdening for a partner. But apart from the practical aspects, this posts made me reflect about something more. Since my disfunctions had condemned me to the not optional way of living as a single person I, from my position, reinforced by other pukka BKs, always pitied on BKs that pair off and run away together.
Baba calls them the biggest fools. Even pairing off with the best intentions of remaining platonic, doesn't get the SS’s or centre's blessings. Maybe a subtle curse instead. It's envy. Probably I was subconciously envying them and at the same time I was skeptical about the fact that a couple could last. This is a projection of my parents' marriage that was not working and I have a mark left from it. Anyway, some left and even had children.
It was not cool to enquire why they left, and even contacting them just in case things were working out fine for them and they were happy! Better not be tempted of following their example. Some failed and returned with tail between their legs to the BKs. No interaction is encouraged between the EX and BKs. Its very much an "in or out" choice.
I mentioned in another previous post that I was studying the side effects of sex. Further on that churning, I see that if I take for instance "jealousy”, (we could similarily expand on dependency or fear of losing a partner or aggressivity and being prone to arguments, lack of power to accomodate, and all the challenges couples have to face) which is a typical emotion associated with an intimate relationship. Can I be so blind and helpless in front of it that I cannot be in a couple and not fall a victim of it?
So helpless that I prefer not to see where is it rooted in, how to eradicate it, take a closer look and admit that its based on insecurity, lack of self-esteem and fear and that maybe I have to work earnestly on all these things, rather than shutting the door on my subconscious and lock myself up in the refuge of celibacy. Sentenced to being single forever?
Do I want to be an ostrich or Durga, the Shakti that rides the tiger? For the BKs, riding the tiger has the limited meaning of repressing sexual instincts. That's it. You are holy. Not enough for me. And jealousy, attractions, dependencies, still go on more or less hidden in the "pure" BK relationships and interactions. Apologies for such a long post. Its all your fault and your valuable sharing folks if I am thinking a lot these days!