Started reading and posting just a few days ago and felt it was a bit too much to grasp at first but the good new is that the switch flipped and the moment my thinking and feeling is not occupied elsewhere the pennies of all the details why ...
I am amazed and would like to say thank you from the bottom of my very alive heart and re-awakened head (formally know as "divine intellect" but really being shut down, seduced and manipulated intellect)! Gosh, I am so glad to be back to normal - of course it will take some time to really arrive in reality and I am looking at things that will help in this transition in the "real world" beyond the amazing support discovered here, like
So this forum will definitely plays a major role in recovering and detoxing from ten yars of split living and thinking!
It is so strange when I look at it now - I always new that what we did/I did by taking it for "God's directions" is very strange and I cant tell it to people. I never told so called non-BKs about the details of practices I was engaged in because I knew its just to crazy for them to thinks of me as a mature, independent, sane human being. Even I never "gave the course" because of that ...
I mean ...
After being too embarrassed to even think about having done this, I can now say that I am still wondering how I could ever fool myself into this as it seem hard to trust my own reasoning considering that I've been following damaging ideas and practices. Well, I do understand some of the desires I had that made me open to this.
Luckily I've been in counseling, working with an absolutely wonderful, unbiased and clever person for almost two years know. I am sure that's been the biggest factor in transiting that far that I was able to see clearly now, as she would do anything to support my clarity of perception and independence. And I am so glad to know that I have that established already. So I am curious to see her reaction towards me filling her in that I am actually exiting a cult right know. She might have suspected that but I never told even her of anything that would indicate the craziness of BK doctrine and the practises implied to keep people in, which shows the craziness of it all again. Well, I keep shaking my head, there have been so may things that should have raised my attention.
Actually the moderateness of how I "thought" the so called knowledge (what I described in earlier post) is even worse as it makes it harder to see what you get yourself into. But in this video someone posted from a specialist for cult recovery she said this one of the strongest signs of a cult - no membership, nothing that will tell you what you are entering but a step by step process of instilling the so called beliefs and practices in individuals - eye opening.
Anyway, I am alive and awake and that is absolutely wonderful!
There is lots more to say/type but will leave it here for now. I would be more than happy to hear from you!
Also if anyone is knowledgable (using this pretty word in its real meaning) of where some of the ex-BKs active on this forum stay - I would love to find an ex-BK to talk to in person. Great would be someone I knew within the BKs but most of the individuals I saw leaving in my country are still kind of "hanging around" ... Can you send me a pm in that case, as I don't want my identity known to anyone reading in here at this point in time.
Thank you.
- a) the so called knowledge can impossibly be from God (or anyone else with good intentions)
b) how lucky I am to be exiting, getting my life back
c) how stupid and maipulative all the details I've had blind faith in are
d) why what I am experiencing now is exiting a cult
I am amazed and would like to say thank you from the bottom of my very alive heart and re-awakened head (formally know as "divine intellect" but really being shut down, seduced and manipulated intellect)! Gosh, I am so glad to be back to normal - of course it will take some time to really arrive in reality and I am looking at things that will help in this transition in the "real world" beyond the amazing support discovered here, like
- - intensifying friendship activities
- joining a choir
- doing sports
- eating out and/or things I thought of being impure (it is so silly and dead-certain to keep you isolated from human company
- translating BK-words into normal way of thinking and speaking when I find myself using them in my thoughts
- breaking the spell of supressing sensual/sexual feeling (e.g. knowledging they are there and just feeling them - which I have started doing long time ago)
So this forum will definitely plays a major role in recovering and detoxing from ten yars of split living and thinking!
It is so strange when I look at it now - I always new that what we did/I did by taking it for "God's directions" is very strange and I cant tell it to people. I never told so called non-BKs about the details of practices I was engaged in because I knew its just to crazy for them to thinks of me as a mature, independent, sane human being. Even I never "gave the course" because of that ...
I mean ...
- - getting up at 4.00 am
- eating only purified and very restictedly
- dressing in white uniforms for your "studies"
- showering after bowel movements
After being too embarrassed to even think about having done this, I can now say that I am still wondering how I could ever fool myself into this as it seem hard to trust my own reasoning considering that I've been following damaging ideas and practices. Well, I do understand some of the desires I had that made me open to this.
Luckily I've been in counseling, working with an absolutely wonderful, unbiased and clever person for almost two years know. I am sure that's been the biggest factor in transiting that far that I was able to see clearly now, as she would do anything to support my clarity of perception and independence. And I am so glad to know that I have that established already. So I am curious to see her reaction towards me filling her in that I am actually exiting a cult right know. She might have suspected that but I never told even her of anything that would indicate the craziness of BK doctrine and the practises implied to keep people in, which shows the craziness of it all again. Well, I keep shaking my head, there have been so may things that should have raised my attention.
Actually the moderateness of how I "thought" the so called knowledge (what I described in earlier post) is even worse as it makes it harder to see what you get yourself into. But in this video someone posted from a specialist for cult recovery she said this one of the strongest signs of a cult - no membership, nothing that will tell you what you are entering but a step by step process of instilling the so called beliefs and practices in individuals - eye opening.
Anyway, I am alive and awake and that is absolutely wonderful!
There is lots more to say/type but will leave it here for now. I would be more than happy to hear from you!
Also if anyone is knowledgable (using this pretty word in its real meaning) of where some of the ex-BKs active on this forum stay - I would love to find an ex-BK to talk to in person. Great would be someone I knew within the BKs but most of the individuals I saw leaving in my country are still kind of "hanging around" ... Can you send me a pm in that case, as I don't want my identity known to anyone reading in here at this point in time.
Thank you.