Hey Kumar
Welcome ... please note that you're not the only one hanging. I've been in more than 25 years and out for about 10 years and undergoing psychotherapy for about 3 years and I still find myself hanging at the crossroads not knowing which way to go ... Truthfully speaking, I could say that I am only really out of the BKs since about 4 and half years mentally ... and only really coming out since I started therapy ... However, the journey of recovery is proving to be extremely long ...
Even after so much therapy, why do I still find myself hanging ... not knowing which way to go ...
there are so many options, possibilities, opportunities etc...but i cant get myself motivated to go for them ...
life for me too has been and is still very very lonely ... frustrating, confusing, unclear, indecisive ... even after so many years ...
I feel that someone just needs to kick me up my backside to just get on with it ... someone needs to cut the rope so that I just land somewhere instead of hanging for so long ...
I want to do so much but why cant I just get on with things ... why does life have to so difficult even after putting in so much effort in therapy and in recovering ...
I still find myself getting trapped in situations that take all my energy ... in situations that people are maybe using me, cheating me ...
How does one know the intentions of another human being after being cheated, abused and used for so many years ... is there any genuine, honest, kind and decent person on this planet who can just accept you as you are and go beyond the physical appearances and your current circumstances ... is there anyone who can really understand me for who I really am?
I do not know ... am still awaiting the time when I can say, "yes, this is what i need to do in my life next, this is how i will do and this is the person with whom I may share my life with ... etc etc".
Right now, it is still a life of confusion and uncertainty.
Yours enlightened