This was taken from the exbaba.com. It all sounds strangely familiar.
If you have read thus far, it is possible that you are totally devastated.
The grief any cult's unveiling causes honest spiritual seekers, is monumental. To find that the path, which took one away from family, friends and loved ones is only a mirage ... To find oneself deceived, betrayed; to have one’s trust broken ... To find the love promised is conditional and those one thought were ‘family’, now turn away with cries of "Judas!" ...
It’s a devastation of self worth, and seemingly a terrible waste of time. But of course it is not. One thing is self evident. All here on the planet are having experience, and the consequence of experience - especially spiritual experience - is wisdom, and freedom from dependency.
Leaving a cult is like experiencing a death of a loved one. There is a grieving process which will take time. Time to process the feelings of confusion, loss, guilt, disillusionment, anger, and lack of trust engendered.
For a little while I felt very angry, to think my long held love of God the Creator had been exploited in this way - 'detoured' as it were, along a pathway that I hadn't consciously asked for; enticing me into giving my power away to a master of deception.
But this feeling didn’t last for long, I was soon able to accept that the whole experience was one I chose, and my grief and anger - also part of the experience. In time the negative feelings were replaced with a sense of freedom, and the joy of returning to the real world.
The gift in all of the above, was a profound realisation that for me the 'age of the guru' is dead. No longer willing to give my trust to outer teachers, I now at last, follow the message all true spiritual masters have given down the long halls of time - by seeking within, the kingdom of heaven.
In conclusion, I can tell you from our own experience, the pain you suffer will heal. There is life after Baba, and as you claim back your own power, you will be enriched, and find the pathway now illuminated, wonderful.
I wish you a fulfilling and self realising journey.