Di wrote:seriously appologise. This sounds such a pathetically emotional post. I need to ditch the emotional. I have eyes glued to the other posts on this forum and find them intriguing to say the least. Thank you. What steps can I take to emotionally detach from this man?
You have nothing to apologise for so no need for it here! Your post is not pathetic even if it is emotional. The emotional side is completely understandable, warranted, and shared by many, so do not apologise for something that's not your fault ...
We are not in your situation and it is always so easy to give advice to others, is it not? ex-l has really given great advice and in support. I can say that what you are doing is right. Yes, you're going to have to work through it all, exactly as we all have to work through the things that cause us pain and suffering.
My view point is that you need to seperate yourself from the cause of the emotional distress and this really all comes from your partner does it not? He's not willling to make decisions and, as said in your postings, "leaves it all up to you". Therefore you're the only one able to make a decision. So I could suggest that you make it for him, knowing of course that there are consequences for everything. Consequence is not always a bad thing.
It would be different if he was open to discussion but it seems he is not, despite the fact that he doesn't quite know what to do within himself. One of his thought processes could be to let you make the decisions so that he doesn't have to take responsibility and can then say (and feel) more of a victim, which is what he is, and is acting in victim consciousness without even realising it. I feel so sorry for him too, but you know that only he can make the changes he needs to make so keep examining the legal and financial implications and take some deep breathe now and again. Maybe telling him that he's acting like a victim and he needs to stop that may assist? I am sure that many of us want to pick up the phone and give him hell but seeings he's already in hell, whats the point, he'll just block it off.
I've been in relationships where I couldn't get through to 'them' - and so I gave up, but you may have more conviction and courage ...
I hopefully herewith send you support, love and some light at the end of this tunnel. xxx