Abrahma Kumar wrote:Thank you Mr. Green / tinydot / Joel. I have suddenly found myself engaged in some critical thinking about some of the BK philosophy.
For BKs: it's okay to be critical if at the end you finally come agree with Baba/Dadi/Jagdish, etc.
For ex-BKs: we have our own rosary for which this may qualify you. (Shall we call ourselves "the rosary of those who failed to obliterate themselves for God" ??)
As for the real BK question, well that one gets to the heart of the matter.
You did not mention this
real question explicitly. Something like whether you accept Baba, or self as soul, or cycle, or Murli, or Dadis, etc??
Real questions to me were about accepting my sexuality, and why after so many years, my sins seemed totally fire-resistant? Why did my personality still seem so pinched, small, shy, delicate? Where was my sense of fun and play?
You can read my story extensively at
http://xbkinfo.infogami.com/personal.
Another
real question: will joyless prudes be happier at their moment of death than fun-loving undisciplined goofs? What about fun-loving, sometimes disciplined goofs? Why should happiness from God be okay, and other happiness evil? What about the happiness of throwing a ball? Of jumping on a trampoline?
I think I'll have to come on record here as believing that in general, happiness is healthy and good, laughter is the best medicine and that sex is often good medicine too. It is a strangely negative vision to view everyone as corrupt and degraded, as BKs tend to.
Another question: is the openness and frankness we find on this forum, or at 12-step meetings -- is that somehow lacking in tact and divinity compared to BKs who are songbirds of knowledge and speak only of Gyan and Baba?
I suppose that I could fashion myself as the 900001st BK. Apologies to any pukka BKs or ex-BKs that happen across this post but if I will get to the Golden Age then I will go via a nice long meeting with Dharamraj - which I knew before my BK life anyway - but now I have the proof of where that residual memory came from.
Not so sure about the punishment thing. I think the agonizing about Dharamraj is more of a Western BK thing. Indian BKs are more relaxed about Murli statements like "you will shed tears of blood." In Japan, I remember one Sister who would read a line like that and burst out laughing.
Now I believe and understand from child development that pleasure is a part of who we are. Anything bad that is happened to us, or mistakes we made, only gets worse by criticizing, or blaming, or telling ourselves that our lives are meaningless, worthless, etc. To tell ourselves we will be punished is in a way, perpetuating the pain and shame of it. Many ex-BKs have needed the help of a therapist to get out of this kind of vicious emotional circle.
When I said that I consider myself on the way out of BK-dom it was just that. I have found it hard to shake a few critical observations about the whole basis of the BKWSU that have crossd my mind recently - to the extent that I think that it would be wrong of me to give the 7-day course to any soul in my present state.
Funny thing to wake up and feel oneself on the outside, as we walked around Madhuban late nights, talking our truths to each other while others in Om Shanti Bhavan basked in the glow of Avyakt BapDada's presence.
What do I love about BK life? Meditation, Murli's (with special regard for the Avyakts) and sharing with others. That wonderful way that the Murli has of slicing the intellect wide open -I love that. And that I will miss so I guess that I will always keep the Avyaky Murli books with me
Most of the Avyakt Murli start with Baba seeing his army, or lovers (gopis), or jewels etc., really appreciating them, then noting that they are not equally strong/blissful/sparkling and then some analysis of the reasons behind this numberwiseness. What we can do while there is still time left.
What kinds of things does he say that "slice open your intellect"? Most of what I found in the Murli as wisdom at one time became less relevant, or completely irrelevant to my life later. I am no Einstein, but nor has leaving study apparently caused any massive deadening of intellect or brain cells. I wish I'd kept more of my notebooks and Murlis, tho, more as reference materials for current scholarly and autobiographical writings.
Thanks for reading this rambling post, and note that I use
bold sparingly. If full sentences are emboldened, you can probably thank my ghost editor, our tirelessly sentence swimming sysop.