The first thing I want to make clear is that I am not here to complain about BKWSU or BKs. I still love them very deeply and have the greatest regard.
I had a very simple and an accidental entry in to Gyan as destined in the Drama. I was 14 by then. The first one year was good (free of conflicts), full of joyness of speaking and living with God, as a child and a friend (Honeymoon Period). I was a normal boy to the world still.
After the first year, I encountered a senior Brother, who was more like an ex-BK, in the sense that he was not happy with the 'internal politics' that existed among the centres in my town and he a was very powerful influence on me to get in to serious Gyan and Yoga. As an adolescent, you know I need to be pushed. He was a Yoga teacher by profession (the Yoga asanas-the physical exercises). His work place was my favourite hang out. I understood so many deeper things there than at the centre. Especially, God and Destruction were my subjects of interest. Golden Age and a wealthy/healthy life never attracted me. For me exploring God and making this world free of sorrow was more a worthy cause. Yes, Diamond Age was the most important, you have God here!
Naturally, the Honeymoon Period ended. I had to face to realities (hmm..or my purusharth was weak) of adolescence. My parents came to know about my association with BK (I come from quite an orthodox Muslim family). There was an uproar when I wanted to give up meat, but eventually I won.
When other Brothers/Sisters shared their experiences about their visit to Madhuban/meeting Baba I too wanted to experience this. But forget Madhuban, my parents wouldn't even alow me attend the regular classes itself. Please view this from an Indian/Muslim/Indian-Muslim family perspective. To my parents and relatives that was deadliest thing that could happen to me/them. They viewed BKism as Hinduism. I was able to convince them to a fair extent that their principles are very good. Their biggest fear was that I would convert to Hinduism and leave them, to live a saintly life (ADHD???).
By now my quench for Gyan had increased. I wanted to understand things ever deeply. In the centre too I had some Brothers as friends (with whom I could freely discuss Gyan and personal things). I found most of them to be bound by faith. The only one whom I thought could answer my questions was quite reluctant to answer (may be Shrimat says to be bound by faith than anything else), though he directed me to Jagadhish Bhai's books (I am a great admirer of him. I desperately wanted to meet him than the Dadis, but never did). That’s the last explanation I give to myself for all my questions. I still do
Then for my college I moved out to a City. So living alone was more exciting as I could live a proper Brahmin life. (My parents think that I am brainwashed/crazy to wake up at 4 am and sit with eyes open). I chanced to meet with elderly BKs with lots of experience and faith. I planned my trip to Madhuban, told to Baba, made some intense efforts, still failing so many times ..hmmm.. I lived in a hostel (naturally all adolescents with impure thoughts/actions and was a very negative environment to be). Thought everything is a test or my karma. Yet with Baba's blessings I made it to Madhuban. I tried to employ Yukti, but my parents found right next day and called me at Madhuban. It was a real uproar. I was at the height of my Intoxication, nothing affected me. I met Baba, completed my trip and returned. Those were the best moments of my life.
Now the decline. My parents too shifted to city. I moved back to home from hostel. School and hostel, at least were a closed environment. Now I faced the real world, so much distractions. Still my faith was strong and fought in spite of repeated failures.
Lots of fight was going on inside over my rights, my inheritance, poverty, sufferings, every damn thing. All classes I attended just explained dharna or rather I understood only that much. Clearly there was an Hierarchy, my access to senior members was limited. I too did not try hard. I always believed that A GOD'S SYSTEM should be perfect, then realised it is us, imperfect souls who made up the system. Then I hit over the XBKChat, PBK's website and so many other studies/articles on BK ... my basic understanding was questioned. Sporadic bursts of spirituality characterised my life. My friends started to tell that I am no more what I was ... One fine day I woke up and found out that I am no more a BK ...
It was 5 year period of Gyan, 2 years of fight and confusion, 1 year of reduced fight and confusion and now I am here.
Now there are periodness of divine sadness and stillness ... hmmm enjoying that too..
Given a choice between living anonymous (anybody) and as an ex-BK, I would prefer the later.
I feel I am here for a great time and look forward to the same..
Peace
I had a very simple and an accidental entry in to Gyan as destined in the Drama. I was 14 by then. The first one year was good (free of conflicts), full of joyness of speaking and living with God, as a child and a friend (Honeymoon Period). I was a normal boy to the world still.
After the first year, I encountered a senior Brother, who was more like an ex-BK, in the sense that he was not happy with the 'internal politics' that existed among the centres in my town and he a was very powerful influence on me to get in to serious Gyan and Yoga. As an adolescent, you know I need to be pushed. He was a Yoga teacher by profession (the Yoga asanas-the physical exercises). His work place was my favourite hang out. I understood so many deeper things there than at the centre. Especially, God and Destruction were my subjects of interest. Golden Age and a wealthy/healthy life never attracted me. For me exploring God and making this world free of sorrow was more a worthy cause. Yes, Diamond Age was the most important, you have God here!
Naturally, the Honeymoon Period ended. I had to face to realities (hmm..or my purusharth was weak) of adolescence. My parents came to know about my association with BK (I come from quite an orthodox Muslim family). There was an uproar when I wanted to give up meat, but eventually I won.
When other Brothers/Sisters shared their experiences about their visit to Madhuban/meeting Baba I too wanted to experience this. But forget Madhuban, my parents wouldn't even alow me attend the regular classes itself. Please view this from an Indian/Muslim/Indian-Muslim family perspective. To my parents and relatives that was deadliest thing that could happen to me/them. They viewed BKism as Hinduism. I was able to convince them to a fair extent that their principles are very good. Their biggest fear was that I would convert to Hinduism and leave them, to live a saintly life (ADHD???).
By now my quench for Gyan had increased. I wanted to understand things ever deeply. In the centre too I had some Brothers as friends (with whom I could freely discuss Gyan and personal things). I found most of them to be bound by faith. The only one whom I thought could answer my questions was quite reluctant to answer (may be Shrimat says to be bound by faith than anything else), though he directed me to Jagadhish Bhai's books (I am a great admirer of him. I desperately wanted to meet him than the Dadis, but never did). That’s the last explanation I give to myself for all my questions. I still do
Then for my college I moved out to a City. So living alone was more exciting as I could live a proper Brahmin life. (My parents think that I am brainwashed/crazy to wake up at 4 am and sit with eyes open). I chanced to meet with elderly BKs with lots of experience and faith. I planned my trip to Madhuban, told to Baba, made some intense efforts, still failing so many times ..hmmm.. I lived in a hostel (naturally all adolescents with impure thoughts/actions and was a very negative environment to be). Thought everything is a test or my karma. Yet with Baba's blessings I made it to Madhuban. I tried to employ Yukti, but my parents found right next day and called me at Madhuban. It was a real uproar. I was at the height of my Intoxication, nothing affected me. I met Baba, completed my trip and returned. Those were the best moments of my life.
Now the decline. My parents too shifted to city. I moved back to home from hostel. School and hostel, at least were a closed environment. Now I faced the real world, so much distractions. Still my faith was strong and fought in spite of repeated failures.
Lots of fight was going on inside over my rights, my inheritance, poverty, sufferings, every damn thing. All classes I attended just explained dharna or rather I understood only that much. Clearly there was an Hierarchy, my access to senior members was limited. I too did not try hard. I always believed that A GOD'S SYSTEM should be perfect, then realised it is us, imperfect souls who made up the system. Then I hit over the XBKChat, PBK's website and so many other studies/articles on BK ... my basic understanding was questioned. Sporadic bursts of spirituality characterised my life. My friends started to tell that I am no more what I was ... One fine day I woke up and found out that I am no more a BK ...
It was 5 year period of Gyan, 2 years of fight and confusion, 1 year of reduced fight and confusion and now I am here.
Now there are periodness of divine sadness and stillness ... hmmm enjoying that too..
Given a choice between living anonymous (anybody) and as an ex-BK, I would prefer the later.
I feel I am here for a great time and look forward to the same..
Peace