Today was the 15th day of my browsing and reading various comments, experiences in this website. Completely surprised, shocked and disturbed after going through the experiences of ex-bks, particularly of ex-l, audacity, alladin, rayoflight and many more.
Finally, I also decided to share my experiences ... first, let me request you to please bear with my English.
My BK life started 12 years ago when I was 26, in a total hopeless and depressed state. I did the 7 Days Course with one of the BKs of my age. I felt happy that this world is going to end soon, and now it is only a matter of 2-3 years. (At that time the predicted year was 2000 to 2004).
I did not think too much about GOD at that time but their friendly behaviour, spending life alone, sweet talks, spiritual family, serving humanity ... all these things appealed me and I decided to become one of them. I actively participated in their events and functions, going to Madhuban once every year to meet BapDada, and became a regular student. During first 2-3 years, my stage was at peak (intoxicated).
Many things happened in these years. This year in particular, some events pulled me down and I’m again in the normal stage (rather, below normal stage). Now after 12 years, my stage is again confused. Today, I am living a life of an awful, unmarried man, doing job for my livelihood. Not able to mix with people. Daily going for job, doing my work, eating, and coming back home, not planning anything for the future, not planning to get married either (how dare I ... ?). (Perhaps waiting for December 2012 ...)
I almost lost interest in teachings of BKs as they seem to be very deceptive and confusing. I am not at all comfortable with the BKs and centre in charge. Though ours is a small centre with only 4-5 sincere BKs. They are noticing my stage but not interfering, and guiding me. They are just silent observers playing their roles.
Where has my life gone? I can never get those years back,
Regards
Finally, I also decided to share my experiences ... first, let me request you to please bear with my English.
My BK life started 12 years ago when I was 26, in a total hopeless and depressed state. I did the 7 Days Course with one of the BKs of my age. I felt happy that this world is going to end soon, and now it is only a matter of 2-3 years. (At that time the predicted year was 2000 to 2004).
I did not think too much about GOD at that time but their friendly behaviour, spending life alone, sweet talks, spiritual family, serving humanity ... all these things appealed me and I decided to become one of them. I actively participated in their events and functions, going to Madhuban once every year to meet BapDada, and became a regular student. During first 2-3 years, my stage was at peak (intoxicated).
Many things happened in these years. This year in particular, some events pulled me down and I’m again in the normal stage (rather, below normal stage). Now after 12 years, my stage is again confused. Today, I am living a life of an awful, unmarried man, doing job for my livelihood. Not able to mix with people. Daily going for job, doing my work, eating, and coming back home, not planning anything for the future, not planning to get married either (how dare I ... ?). (Perhaps waiting for December 2012 ...)
I almost lost interest in teachings of BKs as they seem to be very deceptive and confusing. I am not at all comfortable with the BKs and centre in charge. Though ours is a small centre with only 4-5 sincere BKs. They are noticing my stage but not interfering, and guiding me. They are just silent observers playing their roles.
- What should I do?
What should I do to pass my time?
What should I do for my old age ... (if Destruction doesn't happen by that time)?
Where has my life gone? I can never get those years back,
- What should I do?
What should I do?
Regards