24 Feb 2007
I must extend my deepest and heartfelt thanks to you all. Not only have you given me many guidance and answers, validated my 'instinctual' thoughts, given me immense comfort, given openly of yourselves and offered your hand in friendship. Valuable gifts indeed. Thank you.
As at this very point in time, he has returned to me emotionally giving as a partner should. It has been an impossibly difficult week for both of us but i guess it shows just how strong our bond is. Once he realised he had lost me and could not have the best of both worlds the 'wall' dropped and just at this moment we are as close (still with much to deal with) as we ever have been. That does not mean i don't think we are for the ride of our lives, very bumpy and the outcome unclear, but we have got this far.
Now to answer your questions. He has donated about $10 over the last few months. When I asked this his reaction was an unspoken, 'how did i know of this, I am not supposed to'. When asked about the house and assests etc (which when i read the post ex-l gave me the most horrible sensation) he in turn looked horrified, and said he would never, never give away what was rightfully mine and the kids inheritance. He considered he had no right to do that and would sign everything over to me. The BK's had no right to my things and my hard work. But I will attempt to assess over time where he is at and keep a very close eye on things. I do have full access to all accounts.
Bansy, you write with such insight and feeling. I must give you a small history which i find ironic and amusing which relates directly to your points. We met at work in the health industry. The Manager had major issues, one being to segregate her staff into "classes" us RN's being the highest, of course. The upper was discouraged at all costs to associate and definitely not to socialise with the lower, guess who was the upper and lower classes here? Total reversal of this situation. I was management and high up, he was considered to be no where in the same standing as myself. Are you all smiling? Basically because we were not the controllable employees i was placed on the most horrendous shifts.
7 straight, mixing day, afternoon and night duties in those 7 days, or 7 afternoons straight so i did not see my family for 8 days. Then one day off. This took its toll. At the time he was getting his own business underway and very busy. Needless to say i left, bought a business i used to work in and we have been both inundated with work ... 7 days, me at times 17 hours ... Yesterday we agreed no matter what work was there, that Sunday was for our family and we would be doing something together, did not matter what ... He, of course. will still go to the centre early if he chose. What a tug of war. We are determined to spend regular quality time together now.
Thank you Joel ... now he is starting to talk openingly about what he wants and is seeking instead of the disjointed ****** he did before hand. He knows i wish to understand and support him, but not at any cost. He has benefited from meditation, and is more settled in a lot of ways. I give as much positive feedback as i can ... so he knows i am trying to be supportive of his decisions. He still kids himself he can pick and choose but now is looking at trying to apply the cleansing in more practical ways, e.g. cigarettes not me! and focus on one particular area ... maybe wishful thinking ...
No Joel, i am not challenging his beliefs, that would be of no benefit. He refuses to read this forum but i do relay to him what is said. I asked this morning that he in turn respect my beliefs and instead of the look of pure dismissal and critism he usually gives me, have regard for me as i have shown him that i do have goodness and light. He agreed and said it was my great inner beauty as well as outer that attracted him so much.
No, he is not taking Shrimat, and in fact looked at me quizzically. Some of the things i have told him from here he has never heard of. But he is at the stage of 'service' and purifying himself.
I am listening carefully to everything you say and applying what i can. I find I am walking a tightrope, trying to know when to back off and when to come in fighting. So far, so good but very tiring. (and i haven't been know to always be tackful, usually rather direct I am afraid ... I am incapable of lying, just cannot do it). I know at some time he will have to make a choice. He refuses to go to AA. (I suggested a third party of support which had no person interest in him and therefore no 'tug of war') but he considers he is above the others that go there. Sad. I hope my situation and your help will aid others going through similar trials. There is a long road ahead, and he cannot have both.
What do you think of this? The morning before this all came out, (a few weeks ago) a sweet little elderly lady knocked at my door. She had an immense peaceful aura and turned out to be a Jehovah Witness - which i have no interest or affiliation in. She gave me an article after speaking to me very briefly which gave me comfort later that evening after the initial explosion with him. A few days ago, about an hour after he had left for a job, and it appeared there was no hope and I was most devastated guess who knocked at the door? Once again bringing a quiet and calming wave ... Strange don't you think?
Take care all of you ... the care and love you send out is very tangible and where the BK society has/may have left its issues and cost you, it is obvious to me you are all a very special group of people that have a quality not often found elsewhere.
As at this very point in time, he has returned to me emotionally giving as a partner should. It has been an impossibly difficult week for both of us but i guess it shows just how strong our bond is. Once he realised he had lost me and could not have the best of both worlds the 'wall' dropped and just at this moment we are as close (still with much to deal with) as we ever have been. That does not mean i don't think we are for the ride of our lives, very bumpy and the outcome unclear, but we have got this far.
Now to answer your questions. He has donated about $10 over the last few months. When I asked this his reaction was an unspoken, 'how did i know of this, I am not supposed to'. When asked about the house and assests etc (which when i read the post ex-l gave me the most horrible sensation) he in turn looked horrified, and said he would never, never give away what was rightfully mine and the kids inheritance. He considered he had no right to do that and would sign everything over to me. The BK's had no right to my things and my hard work. But I will attempt to assess over time where he is at and keep a very close eye on things. I do have full access to all accounts.
Bansy, you write with such insight and feeling. I must give you a small history which i find ironic and amusing which relates directly to your points. We met at work in the health industry. The Manager had major issues, one being to segregate her staff into "classes" us RN's being the highest, of course. The upper was discouraged at all costs to associate and definitely not to socialise with the lower, guess who was the upper and lower classes here? Total reversal of this situation. I was management and high up, he was considered to be no where in the same standing as myself. Are you all smiling? Basically because we were not the controllable employees i was placed on the most horrendous shifts.
7 straight, mixing day, afternoon and night duties in those 7 days, or 7 afternoons straight so i did not see my family for 8 days. Then one day off. This took its toll. At the time he was getting his own business underway and very busy. Needless to say i left, bought a business i used to work in and we have been both inundated with work ... 7 days, me at times 17 hours ... Yesterday we agreed no matter what work was there, that Sunday was for our family and we would be doing something together, did not matter what ... He, of course. will still go to the centre early if he chose. What a tug of war. We are determined to spend regular quality time together now.
Thank you Joel ... now he is starting to talk openingly about what he wants and is seeking instead of the disjointed ****** he did before hand. He knows i wish to understand and support him, but not at any cost. He has benefited from meditation, and is more settled in a lot of ways. I give as much positive feedback as i can ... so he knows i am trying to be supportive of his decisions. He still kids himself he can pick and choose but now is looking at trying to apply the cleansing in more practical ways, e.g. cigarettes not me! and focus on one particular area ... maybe wishful thinking ...
No Joel, i am not challenging his beliefs, that would be of no benefit. He refuses to read this forum but i do relay to him what is said. I asked this morning that he in turn respect my beliefs and instead of the look of pure dismissal and critism he usually gives me, have regard for me as i have shown him that i do have goodness and light. He agreed and said it was my great inner beauty as well as outer that attracted him so much.
No, he is not taking Shrimat, and in fact looked at me quizzically. Some of the things i have told him from here he has never heard of. But he is at the stage of 'service' and purifying himself.
I am listening carefully to everything you say and applying what i can. I find I am walking a tightrope, trying to know when to back off and when to come in fighting. So far, so good but very tiring. (and i haven't been know to always be tackful, usually rather direct I am afraid ... I am incapable of lying, just cannot do it). I know at some time he will have to make a choice. He refuses to go to AA. (I suggested a third party of support which had no person interest in him and therefore no 'tug of war') but he considers he is above the others that go there. Sad. I hope my situation and your help will aid others going through similar trials. There is a long road ahead, and he cannot have both.
What do you think of this? The morning before this all came out, (a few weeks ago) a sweet little elderly lady knocked at my door. She had an immense peaceful aura and turned out to be a Jehovah Witness - which i have no interest or affiliation in. She gave me an article after speaking to me very briefly which gave me comfort later that evening after the initial explosion with him. A few days ago, about an hour after he had left for a job, and it appeared there was no hope and I was most devastated guess who knocked at the door? Once again bringing a quiet and calming wave ... Strange don't you think?
Take care all of you ... the care and love you send out is very tangible and where the BK society has/may have left its issues and cost you, it is obvious to me you are all a very special group of people that have a quality not often found elsewhere.
I also talked about a man interested in me for a while who contacted me to go out for dinner. Well, my dear loved BK friend kept me busy after that!! With all the love he has ..."be involved but not attached" ... I don't know. I think i just have to hang in and see. The road is long and i am/will be lonely in this one but it is OK.
