Hello all,
First of all I must sincerely and humbly appologise for my last post. There is no way that I would want to seem to critisize or cause offense to anyone (not that anyone has suggested i have). When I re-read the next day I was not comfortable with the aggressive tone that came across. I wasn't feeling aggressive, just incredibly scared and anxious. The other thing I noticed was it almost sounded like i was critical of someone else and I am just so so sorry. Its not the case. I am not good at rollercoasters and this is taking its toll. Within a week I have had all my present and future dreams, directions, trust and my security removed. Now it appears to have been given back and I am very cautious. Under no circumstances would I even think to offend you good people. You are being my life support and honestly I would not be in the position of hope and intact family if it wasn't for you. You cannot possibly know how much you have given me.
Yesterday morning was his first trip back to the BK center. I was so anxious about what state he would return in after being subject to this again. The Sister there is new and from India and from what i can assess, very, very good at what she does. She must be aware of his turn around ... it is massive ... and I wonder what tactics she will try next. He came home early. He was happy, relaxed, open and most of all connected to me ... relief! When I was preparing some food, I said, sorry, I am not supposed to prepare anything for you, would you like to get it yourself? In a nice and caring manner. His reply was HE would decide what was right for HIM! Grabbed me and kissed me passionately??? How could there be such a massive turn???
So, would you please shed your thoughts on this matter. Arjun, I meant what us lokiks would consider to be a normal, healthy committed relationship, and I understand that some BKs still live with their families, but under those conditions I would not call it committed or healthy - said with the utmost respect to you. Given BKs are taught to serve, to bring their families into the BK (he agrees wholeheartedly I don't fit the bill lol) they are too emotionally detatch etc, and strive to attain spiritual awareness, maintaining a duty of care, is it possible to have what we outsiders call a normal healthy relationship in all aspects and still remain associated with the BKs, go to their teachings, and to pick and choose what is applicable to what you want?
One aspect would appear to totally negate the other, e.g. in the many religions, you can either stay family, or become a priest or nun, both are supported, as long as you embrace the teachings and apply them to your life and your circumstances. There does not appear to be that choice in BK. He is now wanting to fix up the study so he has a place he can meditate every day ... would this mean he prefers to increase time at home without the influence of the Sisters and continue to meditate to help him 'control' his alcoholism? Or is he wanting to increase his meditation to gain more spiritual awareness and be able to serve better? This is so confusing.
We had a great day together, he said i had been so patient and went and fixed several things I had been desperately needing done for months.. (i did not ask for them to be done). He is as caring and involved as anyone could be at the moment with very small moments of withdrawing (? due to soul searching ... or the pull of BK ... or re-evaluating?) He has had problems sleeping the last few days (with exception of last night) unable to settle and obviously doing much deep thinking.
I too think it a bit strange none of the BKs have spoken. Maybe they just think I am a lost cause or just to scarey what I'll say next The video is brilliant! and is one I will definitely show him in a few days.
Dear J, I am following your thread closely and am thinking of you. If I can help at all, please let me know.
First of all I must sincerely and humbly appologise for my last post. There is no way that I would want to seem to critisize or cause offense to anyone (not that anyone has suggested i have). When I re-read the next day I was not comfortable with the aggressive tone that came across. I wasn't feeling aggressive, just incredibly scared and anxious. The other thing I noticed was it almost sounded like i was critical of someone else and I am just so so sorry. Its not the case. I am not good at rollercoasters and this is taking its toll. Within a week I have had all my present and future dreams, directions, trust and my security removed. Now it appears to have been given back and I am very cautious. Under no circumstances would I even think to offend you good people. You are being my life support and honestly I would not be in the position of hope and intact family if it wasn't for you. You cannot possibly know how much you have given me.
Yesterday morning was his first trip back to the BK center. I was so anxious about what state he would return in after being subject to this again. The Sister there is new and from India and from what i can assess, very, very good at what she does. She must be aware of his turn around ... it is massive ... and I wonder what tactics she will try next. He came home early. He was happy, relaxed, open and most of all connected to me ... relief! When I was preparing some food, I said, sorry, I am not supposed to prepare anything for you, would you like to get it yourself? In a nice and caring manner. His reply was HE would decide what was right for HIM! Grabbed me and kissed me passionately??? How could there be such a massive turn???
So, would you please shed your thoughts on this matter. Arjun, I meant what us lokiks would consider to be a normal, healthy committed relationship, and I understand that some BKs still live with their families, but under those conditions I would not call it committed or healthy - said with the utmost respect to you. Given BKs are taught to serve, to bring their families into the BK (he agrees wholeheartedly I don't fit the bill lol) they are too emotionally detatch etc, and strive to attain spiritual awareness, maintaining a duty of care, is it possible to have what we outsiders call a normal healthy relationship in all aspects and still remain associated with the BKs, go to their teachings, and to pick and choose what is applicable to what you want?
One aspect would appear to totally negate the other, e.g. in the many religions, you can either stay family, or become a priest or nun, both are supported, as long as you embrace the teachings and apply them to your life and your circumstances. There does not appear to be that choice in BK. He is now wanting to fix up the study so he has a place he can meditate every day ... would this mean he prefers to increase time at home without the influence of the Sisters and continue to meditate to help him 'control' his alcoholism? Or is he wanting to increase his meditation to gain more spiritual awareness and be able to serve better? This is so confusing.
We had a great day together, he said i had been so patient and went and fixed several things I had been desperately needing done for months.. (i did not ask for them to be done). He is as caring and involved as anyone could be at the moment with very small moments of withdrawing (? due to soul searching ... or the pull of BK ... or re-evaluating?) He has had problems sleeping the last few days (with exception of last night) unable to settle and obviously doing much deep thinking.
I too think it a bit strange none of the BKs have spoken. Maybe they just think I am a lost cause or just to scarey what I'll say next The video is brilliant! and is one I will definitely show him in a few days.
Dear J, I am following your thread closely and am thinking of you. If I can help at all, please let me know.