Thanks Shanti
As far as I could tell all the core and longer standing members of the center I was attached to were mentally and emotionally very unstable. Visitors from other centers and senior speakers seemed much the same too. Maybe that's why I felt like I was amoung kindred spirits . Any sane, stable people that came along never lasted long, haha. Sane stable people have better things to do than join fanatic cults. Only desperate people join cults. Despereate for escape, explanations, enlightenment, knowledge, purpose, belonging, peace.
It seemed like a refuge for the wounded and broken. A lot of people seemed to be there looking for sanctuary after experiencing abusive relationships or other life traumas. Some were just afraid of ever being hurt again and saw BK life as safer than the big bad world out there. It seemed largely to be a collection of odd balls, eccentrics, deeply thoughtful sensitive souls and people who for whatever reasons were misfits in general society. I thought it was great being with so many likeminded souls. It was a breath of fresh air. I think by no means all but a lot of BKs are Asperger, bi-polar or, like me, both.
I fondly imagined we would all help each other and that the long serving center in charge who was very similar in nature to me may be able to guide me on the path to healing and enlightenment. I was wrong. Over time I came to see she was in more trouble than me. "Fake it untill you make it" was the advice she had for me. If you spend your life acting like a believer do you ever become one ? I have my doubts and feel very sad for her stuck in the prison she has chosen to stay in. I know how much effort it takes to contain instability and maintain an appearance of being serene and in control. It is an exhausting act that I mostly no longer bother with.
I know I am not in a great place in my life now but it is real. I can express my stuff now. I can fall apart without being accused of defaming anyone other than myself. My life is far more honest, my heart is cleaner, I am far more humble and vastly less judgemental of others. BK life teaches huge intolerance, the ego and superiority were in very bad taste. Falling from the tenth floor down in to the gutter as it were did me good. As a BK I became closed minded and arrogant. The swan dive from grace feels much cleaner than BK life felt. BK life kept my body clean but tired, my mind tormented and my heart in a prison.
As far as I could tell all the core and longer standing members of the center I was attached to were mentally and emotionally very unstable. Visitors from other centers and senior speakers seemed much the same too. Maybe that's why I felt like I was amoung kindred spirits . Any sane, stable people that came along never lasted long, haha. Sane stable people have better things to do than join fanatic cults. Only desperate people join cults. Despereate for escape, explanations, enlightenment, knowledge, purpose, belonging, peace.
It seemed like a refuge for the wounded and broken. A lot of people seemed to be there looking for sanctuary after experiencing abusive relationships or other life traumas. Some were just afraid of ever being hurt again and saw BK life as safer than the big bad world out there. It seemed largely to be a collection of odd balls, eccentrics, deeply thoughtful sensitive souls and people who for whatever reasons were misfits in general society. I thought it was great being with so many likeminded souls. It was a breath of fresh air. I think by no means all but a lot of BKs are Asperger, bi-polar or, like me, both.
I fondly imagined we would all help each other and that the long serving center in charge who was very similar in nature to me may be able to guide me on the path to healing and enlightenment. I was wrong. Over time I came to see she was in more trouble than me. "Fake it untill you make it" was the advice she had for me. If you spend your life acting like a believer do you ever become one ? I have my doubts and feel very sad for her stuck in the prison she has chosen to stay in. I know how much effort it takes to contain instability and maintain an appearance of being serene and in control. It is an exhausting act that I mostly no longer bother with.
I know I am not in a great place in my life now but it is real. I can express my stuff now. I can fall apart without being accused of defaming anyone other than myself. My life is far more honest, my heart is cleaner, I am far more humble and vastly less judgemental of others. BK life teaches huge intolerance, the ego and superiority were in very bad taste. Falling from the tenth floor down in to the gutter as it were did me good. As a BK I became closed minded and arrogant. The swan dive from grace feels much cleaner than BK life felt. BK life kept my body clean but tired, my mind tormented and my heart in a prison.