Hi, In the night, nice reading your posts always and thank you for opening up such a topic. I will definetely contribute to it, not much right now, though. I am in a difficult situation heartwise, just keeping the pain under control and trying to grow and get to know myself better. I always jumped in relationships quickly, impulsively, following my instinct and not the rationale, giving a lot of love and trust on credit, and systematically got burnt ( have to re-book some appointment with a psyc.!). This time with an exiting BK.
Things have taken a turn that I hadn't expected, totally different from what he said, it appeared to be and we shared. He's trying to set himself free from any BK influence, but in fact, what he's done recently, has been using detachment and lack of intimacy as a solution to whatever real or imagined problems we had or the future may hold for us. In typical BK style. Although we communicate still, I feel my spontaneity is hampered by the fact that I feel kept "at bay" as a potential temptress that might lure him into relapsing in a relationship he considers not beneficial for either of us.
Whilst I am trying to become "whole", sincere, heal from sect influences and promote a healthy cooperation of physical and mental energies in myself, here comes the challenge dressed as a man who, after being a passionate lover, tells me that with few hours notice, we are now Brother and Sister. It's as if all the work I have done on my self in terms of realizations and experimenting together, has brought me to this punishment of "platonic relationship".
He says it was too "intense" to handle. Maybe as BKs or Ex, we are really complicated, or at least, I am. I wish it was all about a desire of being laid and that my partner had found a new flame. What a luxury, if it was as simple as that!! Once again woman as "doorway to hell", the miniskirt that turns a respectable man into a rapist.
I undst now how "guilt" plays a HUGE part in his psyche, throughout his life. It's difficult for me to understand, because that's quite alien to me. I have other problems, so putting myself in his shoes is hard. I came to know how that feeling he has, colours everything and comes up recurrently. What I will think about and post asap on, his how feelings of fear and guilt are re-inforced by associating oneself to an org that equals avoidance of intimacy and detachment to holiness.
So, talking about men women relationships in general in the world, is one thing. Understanding the effect the BK system and principles and subsequent "judgements" on those who find it hard to comply, is a more intricate matter but definitely worth us discussing. Precisely because it's one of the big TABOOS for BKs and we may be carrying scars we are not even aware of.
Adhering to the BK org means, possibly, parking any desire for intimacy, denying it and condamning it as not legitimate or elevated. I was struck and therefore remember many posts of Joel's on us being "mammals", therefore naturally being born and meant for having physical contact and sharing affection. The BKs claim that for "deity souls", this is not at all natural, implying also that it is contrary to "soul consciousness" and spiritual development, it's something that we better not feel or express, since it will necessarily lead to pain.
I am struggling not to accept the fact that sorrow is inevitably a result of emotional involvement with other humans. Or I could see the simplistic wisdom of BKs in its essence "prevention is better than cure!".