Whilst ex-l's latest article was being posted. I was asking myself some questions that somehow tie in with the things he wrote.
What is the purpose, the significance in my/our lives of belonging to a sect and extricating myself from it? Is there a value in it? Did it make me stronger or was it just a waste of time? As ex-l said, there are some techniques and universal values that we could have learned from other sources, since they are not monopoly of the BKs. Which other benefits or assets did we inherit from our adventure?
Possibly, what has value is precisely the
journey out of the BKs. The struggle in order to remain conscious and not becoming total zombies, the breaking free from the shackles, the escape, the recovery, the healing. These, like some time in a jail, a hospital or living in a country run by a totalitarian regime, can become character-building factors. Also, our discrimination power has been tested and strengthened, the importance of our gut feelings and our faith in truth ... in ethics, in the Self, and in God.
I realized when I joined this Forum that God saved me from the BKs, even though they hammered in my head the belief ... and the resulting guilt and fear ... that leaving them was losing an inheritance, and betraying God. Yet, I am not the only ex-BK who feels loved and protected by the Great Spirit. And God-God seems to appreciate the fact that, in spite of such challenges, we hold his hand and in turn he blesses and empowers us. In my perception, and unlike the "BKs God", he is not not needy, hungry nor greedy.
The "BKs God", as he presents himself in the Murlis, constantly talks about the interdependence between his children and him, as if the navel cord could never be cut and our help in his task was of vital importance. Always blackmailing and conditional love. A Dharamraj, more than anything else. I perceive a streak of insanity there, a not immediately apparent difference from what could be a healthy attitude of humans doing their part in the task of World renewal.
Sometimes he uses a squeaky voice to persuade us to stay and cooperate, "The Father cannot do without the children ...". Maybe that's the female form, a neurotic, hysterical one. "Don't leave me ... !!!" Other times the tone of the voice sounds deep like thunder, like a curse haunting us. That's the authoritarian, lawful Father. And the list of threats is long ...
The greatest damage is that having taken the mental conditioning, and after tasting and experiencing the depth of the negativities, one is left shy and fearful of reaching out again to spirituality itself .. and all other human beings..
Is there any karma worse than this, any action more vile than this?
One is left unable to separate what is universal and absolute spirituality from what is 'owned' and trademarked by the spiritually and materially acquisitive BKWSU and its hungry god ... How can I tell if my meditation is free or I am still being sucked into to their vortex?
I know. Many ex-BKs want nothing to do with God or meditation. The vortex you talk about is really frightening. These days, I seem to appreciate karma Yoga more, as if it was safer, and still is a way to feel connected to God; to be in higher consciousness whilst performing actions. I sit in meditation occasionally, and enjoy it, but also ask myself, "Is it sensible to concentrate in the center of the forehead, etc and open myself once more to
whom?"
What is the difference between a trademarked BK 'soul-conscious' experience and a third eye experience? How can one tell? ... Imagine being left with the fear of approaching the self, approaching one's own god, approaching true spirituality itself ... would that not be the most subtle, but ultimately "devilish", corruption of a human being?
Imagine a metaphorical "golden devil" sat right next to the gates of salvation warning and distracting everyone who approached them not to go in ... that there was nothing in there ... and instead encouraging them to surrender themselves to itself because they were obvious to gain something.
Sounds like "Maya's shop", that sells imitation, counterfeit goods. Tough but 'no pain no gain'. Again I think experience and discernment, humility, commonsense can help. In hindsight, and thinking rationally, guilt, sorrow, uneasiness, confusion, unbalance, illnesses, eating disorders ... all the typical ailments that infest the life of a BK, cannot be instilled or triggered by the Almighty, the purest being in the Universe.