Tom wrote:Much harm is done to the forum's positive and friendly energy lately by leela ...
I admit I was very taken aback by the harsh tones of Tom's post. It caused me to reflect and ask myself if I have misjudged the scope and purpose of the forum and harmed it as suggested. On further reflection, I don't believe this to be the case.
correctly ex-l wrote:As for leela, all this discussion is work in progress. I am sure she can speak ... for herself ...
... and I am confident that all other members of the forum are capable of doing so, too.
summarising my genuine intentions Cypress wrote:... exploring her abuse, how it may have contributed to her being drawn into Brahma Kumaris, and is now exploring what healing needs to be done; including re-examining the impact of Brahma Kumaris on her life. This forum seems to be exactly the place for this kind of exploration.
And Terry reminds us of the point:
Now, back to the healing.
Further reflections ... from the elephant in the china shop.
Tom says I, "wrote blaming posts and targeted" him. On reflection, this is true. It was in part his strongly worded comments about prosecuting pedophiles that I was reacting to and I did not at first see the element of that in my original postings.
He says that I, "... jumped into the discussions like an elephant into a china shop". I thought I was starting a new thread for my own reflections. But again, he makes a fair comment. I was using previous postings as my starting point. Also, I can now see that the title of the thread was confusing. I have changed the title now to make it clear that these are reflections about abuse
prior to becoming a BK.
He says that, '... without having processed her traumas, after leaving the BKs, her mindset is still in the pukka BK conditiong". Well, maybe, somewhat. I quote myself in response here, from another thread, "sometimes this journey seems all about undoing the BK hypnosis ...". How do we measure that conditioning and know when it is entirely undone? It seems to me that exploring this is a valid use of the forum.
He says I am still blaming myself and not the perpetrator. This is an area I am interested to explore further. I have traveled up and down the road of blaming myself, blaming the perpetrators, blaming life, blaming everyone, and no-one in particular. It is far more complex than ceasing to blame myself and agreeing to blame and punish a perpetrator.
Here is where I stand today on the issue of blame. I speak for myself only, and for today. As the child of an abused mother who, despite her best efforts, was hopelessly unequipped to nurture a child, I started very young on the path of looking for attention, approval, and love in other places. These behaviors made me vulnerable and led me into dangerous situations. They also undoubtedly made me susceptible to a group like the BKs. Seeing clearly how these behaviors led me into abusive situations has been central to me moving forward. This IS NOT THE SAME as blaming myself. It is NOT THE SAME as excusing the abuse.
Obviously, unseen and unowned behaviors like these continue to undermine a healthy adult life too. To say that I have them because of what he/she did to me is a dead end in the healing process. Blaming the BKs for indoctrinating me is a meaningless concept to me. Today, and for myself, I can comfortably use the word complicity, albeit a tragic and innocent complicity.
Seeing and owning inner self-defeating behavior patterns is far more liberating than looking outward for someone or something to blame.OF COURSE pedophiles need to be taken off the streets. They rarely change and usually re-offend. Taking them out of circulation protects all children. (Incidentally, the US is looking seriously at some form of castration as a treatment). When people wave this flag of punishing the perpetrator as if it were on
my behalf, well, thank you, but it does not feel helpful to me personally. To me, it is a separate issue. It is just very unfortunate that there needs to be a victim in order to prosecute.
Cypress and Terry - Thank you for the understanding, support, and encouragement in your posts. It helped me a lot in my reflection process. Tom's comments hurt because of the truth in them. His harsh tones may seem over the top, and indicative of personal issues, but they also served to wake me up. The shame of being seen to still be disabled by past traumas is painful, but the pain is therapeutic. Sitting still in the pain, watching the impetus to withdraw or retaliate come, and then go again, leaves me with a greater feeling of peace and freedom.
Thank you to everyone. May the healing continue.