Today's meet with Dr.... She said forget about the relationship with her. First priority is to bring her back into real world. The Dr. knowledge on BK is little but that's not important here however she said spirituality used by BK as a medium to attract followers, and slowly the real things happen.
It is important not to misunderstand what the doctor is saying. Mental health is a major issue here too, for me personally through friends and relatives, but also in the national debate and politics. Much discussion occurs.
One of the biggest problem is that most people's only contact with a therapist is with a medical GP. They have some basic training but are far from being specialists. Psychiatrists are specialists but they come from a specifically pharmacological/neurological perspective. Then there's psychologists who come from all kinds of "schools of thought", or approaches. Sometimes it is just luck that a person finds not only the right mode of treatment but also the right therapist.
And, out of the two, I would say which mode of treatment (
which school of training or philosophy of treatment) is less important than the actual therapist.
But my point in all of this, Manojag, is I have never heard any doctor or therapist diminish the value of personal support and relations in the process of healing. Quite the opposite. So, again what is the meaning of
"forget about the relationship with her. First priority is to bring her back into real world."?
Is the doctor saying not to expect her to be the same intimate, loving wife as before anytime soon? If so, yes, that's to be expected.
Is the doctor saying your lifelong relationship is not going to mean anything in the treatment? I would strongly disagree.
My brother-in-law became a BK very young. That path and timing coincided with his mental breakdown. There is a possibility this has happened with your wife too - coincidental events. His breakdown could and should have been foreseen, if public awareness then of such things was as good as it is now. The BK lifestyle and practices, in my view, were the exact opposite of what he would have needed at that time, and probably accelerated and deepened his illness, even if it was not the cause.
He was at the time living in one of the centres as a "drone" - a worker bee doing much of the manual labour. His symptoms should have been recognised by others there, they were not unintelligent or inexperienced people. But as they are preoccupied with their own navels - their focus being on glorifying themselves through glorifying their "god" (who seems to be incapable of anything much "himself") - so there is never any real compassion for those "failing" right under their noses.
As his behaviour became increasingly erratic, one day while he was at work, one of his so-called "Brothers" packed his things into a suitcase, put it at the front door and when he came back from work that evening, was told he was evicted. Not a month's notice, nor a week, nor a day, nor an hour. No time for a wash, a meal, a drink of water. Out. Into the night. And this was in a city that was not his home town. He had gone there to be the centre's labourer.
He had the personal insight that something was wrong, a week or two later he checked himself into a psychiatric institution where he stayed a month before checking himself out.
Needless to say that he has lived a precarious existence since - sometimes homeless and hungry, sometimes abusing drugs, able to work less and less over the years. But he has never raised his voice or been angry or violent at anyone (maybe a symptom in itself for he has much to be angry about). He has been on a government invalid's pension for many years now. He has always been at his best when he has resided near us and can come by regularly for company, tea or a meal. The birth of his niece and her unqualified love for her uncle, even now that she is old enough to understand his condition, along with our support, has anchored his heart in a way no drug or doctor or therapy ever could. I would also acknowledge my Sister, her husband and our mother, who had him live with them in the countryside for a year and half and kept him gainfully occupied, fed and sheltered in a good environment.
That is, professional treatment is really only an adjunct to extended family and community - the salt and pepper, not the meal. It took many years for better diagnosis (mild schizophrenia and depression) and appropriate medication & dosage to be found. He still goes off the rails occasionally, mainly out of boredom I believe, but just their knowing there is someone there as a fallback helps them stabilise.
My friend separated from his wife with whom he had 6 children. She is also schizophrenic. They stayed together until the children were old enough for him to look after them on his own and it just was easier if she had her own place to live and be less burden to him - running a business and having a few children still living at home. One daughter who became a nurse now lives with her mother.
You need to be what is called in the modern language "an informed consumer". An easy first step is to get a second professional opinion. Doctors, even specialists, are not gods. Some are better than others for particular conditions. And all have their limits.
Never accept it when a doctor says, 'there is nothing more to be done". That is them not being humble enough to say, "
I don't know what else to do - maybe someone else would be better for this". They do have a professional pride and arrogance unfortunately. Some are stuck in text book approaches, others are real human beings.
I would ask this doctor what previous similar cases they have dealt with and with what results? Handing out pills for anxiety or hyperactivity works if that is suitable, but how broad is their experience and knowledge? That's why ex-l's early suggestion, about finding a therapist with experience in "cult" exiting, is valuable. There is much on the internet internationally and some links and articles on this forum. Maybe you or your doctor could correspond with one?
There is work involved for all parties here. No quick fix, fast-food solutions. You need a therapist who will struggle to deal with the individual needs of the person presenting now, not squeezing them into a pigeon-hole.
manojag22 wrote: As per BK the followers/student did understand their preaching correctly. Are they right in saying that is biggest question ???
The BK preachings & teaching are very malleable. They are on the one hand quite clear and specific, and on the other adjusted to keep themselves above criticism, both in the eyes of the world and according to their own standards.
Basically - and this is a reason many are tormented internally (whilst still denying it) - those who can and do follow it to the letter are considered superior, of "a higher number in the divine rosary". It is proof of their spiritual status. They will often advise their students to compromise in some way or other that they themselves do not have to, due to their circumstances. That then reinforces their position because they lead a "purer" life untainted by worldly compromises, while the "compromised" go out and earn the dollars that feeds the Brahmins. Nothing has really changed in the old caste system.