Save Innocents wrote:Well, it's not funny. Not obviously a good solution given that you already know the seriousness of hard core BKs to follow celibacy. It's also not time to put a joke. It's related to someone's life dear. And this open attitude is not welcomed ...
I have to agree and apologise to Sophie if it offended her. This is a serious matter and we are dealing with not just Indian culture but a very convoluted, hence difficult, situation.
Lately, BKs have started permitting their followers to marry anyone they wish, but preference to choose BK as partner is stressed.
Is this really true in India? I have not read it officially stated. Do they live together or apart?
In India, marriage is compulsion & unmarried guy is seen by society as eunuch, most often. So, to protect reputation, everyone tries to marry ... If the boy is Indian, then obeying parents decision & following it is mot mark of weakness or getting ruled by parents. It's more like gesture of respect towards them.
But the parents are BKs and BKs put the greatest emphasis on brahmacharya and celibacy. The Murlis call sex "the sword of lust" and "poison", marriage temple are called "brothels", mothers who love their children are likened to monkeys.
This is where I am thinking that there is a lot of unresolved confusion and convolution. I cannot see pukka BKs marrying off their children "just for the sake of appearances".
And if they are marrying off their son for the sake of appearances, what consideration are they giving for this woman's feelings and future? Zero. They have been terribly dishonest to her and her family.
Sophie, what have they openly stated? Does the son want to be a BK or escape the BKs (and his parents)? Is there any desire there to be wed? What do they expect of you ... to act as a wife for their son in public only?
I think Sophie's first consideration should be her own happiness ... but this family has put her in a very difficult situation. Normal family experiences are not part of BK life. Unless there is clarity, getting out of the family as quick as possible is the first step.
Sophie, I'll explain why I say that.
I first came in contact with the BKs in the 1980s. Over the decades I have witness *many* families torn apart and interfered with by the controlling old witches in the BK centers. Every family has been damaged by their interference. As far as I know, no family has survived it complete and intact. And, at the end of the day, BKism always comes first for a BK. Insensitivity and a lack of feelings towards other human beings is the norm for them.
In most of these situations, the BK partner always runs to the BK Sisters for advice. Advice they are not qualified professionally, or by experience, to give. They believe that advice is the word of god. The BK center rules the family and, generally, the BKs are dishonest to non-BKs. The best you can hope for in their system is to be made a BK to live as a separate BK.
Normally, the frontline of the BKs always appears very sweet and nice. They use innocent girls or women in this way. But who your enemy really is is further behind the lines ... their senior Sisters or zone-in-charge. They tend to be tougher and tricker. They will have seen many families broken apart by BKism and they will advise BKs in many tricks to fools non-BKs.
Actually, I have had personal experience of them doing just this. They will advise on the law and how to deceive non-BKs who they generally consider to be impure, devilish enemies. Those are the very words their god spirit uses.
I think the opposite to Save Innocents. It's not your responsibility to keep that family united and forget their respect because they have shown you the greatest disrespect and not been honest to you. You are also in a very tricky situation.
They may have damaged you in the greatest way.
But, yes, I agree that they will try to pull you into the cult and to the BK certer for taking courses.
This is where I become even more concerned because they are not proper or pukka BKs.
They are at best half-BKs and their leaning on BK-ism to make them feel better might be a symptom of other problems, e.g. pride, vanity and conceit.
I agree about asking them their future plans, risk management backup (financial, mental, physical in every other possible way), past experiences in BKism etc ... but I would not trust a BK once inch. To them anything, any betrayal is possible because they belief if they remember their Baba as they do it, or if they do it "for" their Baba, then it will have no bad karma. They believe giving to impure non-BKs, is bad karma. The BKs'goal is "service, service, service",
Yes, it is true, the BKs love property and many wives have been "donated" along with property by dyning husband. They end up as servants for the BKs.
There is another aspect to the story of "xyz" who asked for money back from the Didis for financing his personal issues and got nothing which demonstrates the BKs' corruption ... because when the Father of one of the BKs' Didi had money problems, they immediately gave property back to him to use it for finance.
You see, they have two set of rules; one for the leaders and one for the followers. In fact, they have no rules and just make it up to suit themselves as they go along ...
If you have to divorce them, then make sure you take as much money and property off them to make your life secure.
Lastly, according to the Hindu Marriage Act, you have legal rights. One of those is the right to stay together, the other is to void the marriage.
Voidable Marriages
Voidable marriages are those which are void at the option of the aggrieved party. Such marriages can be annulled by a decree of nullity on any of the following grounds :-
That the marriage has not been consummated owing to the impotence of the Respondent.
That the marriage is been performed with a person of unsound mind or having a mental disorder or suffering from recurrent attacks of epilepsy.
That the consent of the Petitioner or its Guardian was obtained by force or by fraud as to the nature of the ceremony or as to any material fact or circumstances concerning the Respondent.
To succeed on this ground, it is necessary that the Petition must be presented in the Court within one year after the force has ceased to operate or the fraud has been discovered. It is also necessary that after the force has ceased or fraud discovered, the Petitioner has not, with consent, lived with the other side.
You may need to take legal advice.