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The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 18 Apr 2013
by ex-l
Everything you've ever wanted to know about Sex and the Brahma Kumaris but have been afraid to ask ...

Of course, we've come to discover that there is a whole lot more sex going on in the Brahma Kumaris than I ever believed, at least in some Western centers; and the BKWSU, again in the West, appears to have become a lot more accepting of individuals going in and out ... taking what used to be called euphemistically a "little holiday" ... but still coming back to the center to give their free labor, buy their products, and support their business ventures.

In the old days, and I suspect for most of India even still, that would have been unthinkable because their money and actions were now "impure" and it was entirely against Shrimat and the Maryadas which said not to accept anything from impure (non-BK, sexually active) people. I've even read the BKs portray this "flexibility" as a virtue ... again unthinkable in the old "sword of lust" days.

Recent conversations elsewhere on the forum have led me to consider the topic of 'Sex after the Brahma Kumaris' and jot down some of my own thoughts and experience on the subject.

Now, I probably belong to the school of thought that believes "falling in love" is great drug ... and 80% a chemically induced drug effect that, along with alcohol, nature has designed to ensure the survival of human DNA. Therefore, please excuse any cynicism and some explicit description. I will, however, leave a generous 20% in my calculations for a non-physical component immeasurable to science in order to explain any genuine person to person connection.

In no particular order ... if you care to join me and add your own reflections, to make this a group experience, please add your thoughts below. I am happy to be corrected and to be pointed out where I have been missing things. Some of this is sexist and some of it is on a par with what you might read in women's magazines:

    First of all ... 'Busting the Big Brahma Kumari Myths'

      a) Most people do *not* leave the BKWSU because they are "weak", "full of lust", craving "impurity" or unable to follow the principles any more. They leave because of the crap they see and experience, and because they never really believed and the illusion wears off when the love bombing runs out. They don't even necessarily jump straight into relationships afterwards.
      b) All men are not rapists or "lusty dogs".
      c) Women have just as strong or stronger sexual urges and are capable of more and better orgasms than men.
      d) The world does not end, terrible things do not happen to you, you do not go insane and you have to be very unlucky to catch a disease if you make love or have sex with someone else. It's easy to avoid the latter.
      e) The BKs are hiding not only events relating to Lekhraj Kirpalani, but also Om Radhe.
    Sex and BK Celibacy

      a) After a prolonged period of no sex or celibacy, sexual urges do appear to atrophy and many of the acts which make sex pleasurable appear to be really weird or strange things to do. This applies as much to celibacy in the BKs as celibacy outside of the BKs
      b) It helps if you are in love to do them. Love is a kind of drug that makes you do crazy things, turns you into a better person and makes the world look far nice. (But be warned love does not wear off as quickly as alcohol etc but it probably will in time and can cause pregnancy ... a 21 year long 'hangover' if you have a kid).
      c) A surprising number of non-BKs are also celibate.
      d) Most individuals and couples go through celibate phases and they are a good thing.
      e) Having celibate phases are a good thing, especially after relationships, to clear one head and emotions and help avoiding carrying one's psychological baggage into the next relationships.
      f) As a BK male practising detachment you've probably no idea how normal women think now, and so try reading women's magazine, watching 'chick flick' movies etc and talking to them as friends to get up to speed again.
      g) Again for ex-BK men, "there are only two ways in which women think, and no one knows what they are".
      h) Be careful not to appear too weird or creepy ... you probably are. This might require you to be honest about what you have been through and talking to someone.
      i) The first time you have just to do it regardless of what conflicts it brings up. It may not bring up again. You'll probably be a little dazed immediately afterwards but very shortly you will wonder why it was made out to be such a big thing.
      j) Other people will probably notice positive changes in you afterwards as you are likely to become more grounded.
      k) Especially if you never had sex or you've not been having sex for a long time, pornography is very bad idea for very many reasons so don't. I am happy to discuss why I think so if anyone wants. However, I did once read some Brahma Kumari pornography (an erotic story based on a sex fantasy of having sex with a Brahma Kumari and it was quite funny. I suppose in India it is equivalent to have nun fantasies ... a little weird but "whatever rocks your boat" as they say). Love and sex are also not usually like it is "in the movies". Renounce fakeness and unreal expectations and start by experience the reality of wherever it is you are now.
      l) Beware of sex addicts or people who just want to have sex with their fantasies rather than you.
    Sex in General

      a) Sex is a very much like dancing, anyone can kind of do it, but to do it well with a partner takes practise ... and not all people have a good sense of rhythm. Your first experiences after leaving are likely to be a bit awkward because you are out of practise but keep trying. It's in your DNA and it will all come back. Perhaps even within minutes.
      b) Don't expect it, or sex with a new partner, to be great to begin with. You need to put in some work and practise it.
      c) Don't practise on your own too much. It spoils the incentive to find someone else to do it with.
      d) For men, generally most need to practise control and not having an orgasm; for women, most need to practise having an orgasm, and for women a lot of that appears to be mental. Don't just expect it just to happen, learn how to allow it to happen and show or tell your partner how to do it with you.
      e) Sex is not dirty but dirty sex can be very pleasurable.
      f) Funny sex, and sex with a good friend, is also good. Not all sex needs to be the big thing.
      g) The best looking people are not always the best lovers. Indeed, sometimes the complete opposite is true, i.e. "homely" or quite ordinary looking people can be surprising good and passionate lovers and have secretly passionate lives. There's no real way to know until you try.
      h) Being skinny does not make people better lovers, but being reasonable fit and active does help, e.g. flexibility and stamina.
      i) Not all people are "good", some people are "bad" and messed up, and will mess you up, e.g. be unfaithful etc. If it ever happens to you, I'd recommend cutting and running asap however difficult it is. Don't fool yourself they will change. As an ex-BK you will probably be naive to human nature and likely to be taken from a ride in more ways than one.
      j) It should usually take longer than 2 minutes (but quickies can be fun too). If the man always lasts for 2 minutes or less, you are being shortchanged.
      k) It is tiring and resource consuming.
      l) Generally, in order, vegans, vegetarians and then very light meat eaters smell and taste much better; especially their breath. Relationships between veg*ns and meat eaters are asking for problems.
      m) You can have peak experiences where you lose all sense of self etc but not often or always.
      n) There is no right or best way to do it and it is worth reading up some literature on all of the many different ways in which to set the scene and do it if you have been out of the swing as a BK forever, or for a while. Be honest about what you prefer.
      o) Many men have less of a sex drive than women, especially as they get older. For those of a philosophical bent, Voltaire made a good case for taking an older women as a lover. On one hand they are more patient, experience, know themselves better and are at more ease with their bodies; on the other they will be more grateful for the attention. Some young women can be very self-possessed and insecure. (If that sounds sexist, blame Voltaire not me).
      p) There is someone out there that will sleep with you.
      q) Sleeping with someone can be very comforting and healthy.
      r) Don't listen to what society or marketing men, or especially some religious bigot who has never had good sex, tells you about sex. Find your own way from your own direct experience.
      s) It's better to have sex with someone you can than spend your life not having sex with someone you cannot ... be realistic.
      t) Anyone that spins you a line about having a relationship or unfinished karma with them from a past life etc is probably just trying to get into your pants. Unfortunately, if it is true, it's probably just as true that they i) dumped you, ii) were unfaithful, iii) tried to kill you in a past life as well.
      u) Sex is a good way to get to know someone at a deeper level, people are not always what they project themselves to be until they managed to have sex with you and relax their guard (this can be for good or for bad!).
      v) Some people will just use you as a masturbatory device if they can. They are heartless people. Ditto someone people will just have sex with you for what you can give them; men and women. For some, sex is a tool of extraction and entrapment.
      w, x, y, z ... someone else fill in some details, please, I need a rest now.

      Oh, ... and you don't have to have sex to have a fulfilled and fulfilling life.
I've thought about whether it is a good idea for ex-BKs to have sexual-emotional relationships with other ex-BKs, or BKs having a holiday.

I started by thinking it might be a good idea because both parties would understand where the other one was coming from and have similar affinities; but I've ended up thinking it is a bad idea because,
    a) It means some kind of crazy indebtedness or involvement of the BKWSU which you won't be able to forget, and
    b) There is a risk the other party's resolve to stay out of the BKWSU is not as strong as yours and they might go back. Ethically, I don't not think it is a good idea; one should show respect and when in Rome do as the Romans do. If you don't want to do what the Romans do, go someone where else to do it and respect those who do.

    The guys that hung around the Brahma Kumaris looking for love were always a bit creepy.
I think the last thing you want is a thought that "Baba brought you together", and the embarrassment of meeting other BKs and them knowing you are having sex. As a BK I once saw to BK kissing passionately and it was the most creepy awkward thing I have probably ever seen ... and I have seen some very creepy things in my life. However, there is nothing more exciting than forbidden fruit so your mileage may vary.

Re: However, I did once read some Brahma Kumari pornography

PostPosted: 16 Jul 2018
by Bkgaurav

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018
by Bkgaurav
What I think some point are good. But most of them I wasted my time here. So this site is not for me. But thanks for having me here. Disappointed. Only subjective reviews and stories to justify them.

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018
by ex-l
Bkgaurav wrote:What I think some point are good. But most of them I wasted my time here.

Gosh, you did not even last one day.

Do courts not accept witness statements?

What "references" are you expecting to find?

You have BKs here of both sexes, from all over the world, from the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s ... who studied directly with the current leadership while they were in their primes ... do their experiences count for nothing?

When did you join the BK? A couple of years ago?

60, 50, 40 years after their God predicted the world would end in Destruction ... only the leadership has hidden all that from you?

What can be hidden from the light of truth? You are just walking in the footsteps we left long ago, do you not think we can tell you where they lead?

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018
by Mr Green
Sex lust scares them all off.

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018
by ex-l
So does objectivity.

We have a far higher degree of factuality and objectivity than the BKs themselves.

Of course, if they have taken refuge within the BKism due to other problems in their lives, and then they see everything we have exposed, I appreciate that it can be a big shock to them.

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 19 Jul 2018
by kmanaveen
Sex lust scares them all off.

Bang on!

Ha ... ha ... reading a full post about sex is too much for a BK to handle. I really feel sad for him as he needs to work so hard again, but reality stands naked even if you keep your eyes closed!

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 20 Jul 2018
by ex-l
kmanaveen wrote:Ha ... ha ... reading a full post about sex is too much for a BK to handle.

Here's another one, I don't know if it was included above.

How many male BKs suffered from penile erections first thing in the morning?
Morning glories, or nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) as they are correctly called, are spontaneous erections that occur during sleep or while waking up. All blokes without erectile dysfunction are graced with them and they normally occur around three to five times during sleep.

NPT actually starts in utero, or in the womb (seriously), and continues throughout life. If it’s any consolation, men aren’t completely alone - women also get clitoral erections and vaginal engorgement during sleep, and various nonhuman mammals also get NPT.

There's a number of theories how and why, all natural and nothing to do with the evils of "sex lust". For example, one is that they stop the individual peeing during sleep if they have a full bladder. Another is the swelling oxygenates the tissue and maintains its viability, to help to prevent cavernous fibrosis, a condition that can ultimately lead to erectile dysfunction.

Both are perfectly reasonable from a evolutionary genetics point of view but likely to cause BKs concerns that they were not awake while they were asleep and checking each and every sinful impure thought passing through ... as Dadi Janki used to encourage them to do.

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 20 Jul 2018
by Mr Green
Morning Glory like it

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 20 Jul 2018
by ex-l
It's funny, and we can joke about it, but as far as I remember, it was entirely undiscussed within BKism.

I've got to believe it affects pretty much every male BK ... waking every other day with their own "shivlingum" to worship.

May be it's just a sign that you are not grinding your bones enough the day before, on service, and rushing off quick enough to have Amrit Vela first thing in the morning?

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 20 Jul 2018
by Mr Green
I had a wet dream in Madubhan the morning of my first meeting with Bapthingy, I had to go on the stage with it!

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 21 Jul 2018
by Pink Panther
a sign that you are not grinding your bones enough the day before

Never realised before that ”grinding your bone” was a euphemism!

When I lived in a ”Brothers’ bhavan” in London, we’d have foreign BKs stay over, and many mornings there'd be "grinds" that had stuck to the plug hole or elsewhere. Like a fart, it's most unpleasant when not your own!

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 21 Jul 2018
by ex-l
Pink Panther wrote:... there'd be "grinds" that had stuck to the plug hole or elsewhere. Like a fart, it's most unpleasant when not your own!

I am not sure I understand what you mean, or want to.

Re: The A to Z of Sex and the Brahma Kumaris

PostPosted: 22 Jul 2018
by GuptaRati 6666
It seems hypocritical, and I am not attacking the BK Sisters, some of whom may be center-in-charge or above; however, my white sari clad Sisters can at times be enduring severe amorous storms to erotic and psychic levels. They may sit on the gadi and present themselves as icons of saintly virtues while in their minds are erotic scenes of desires, which compete with those of a high class mistress fantasizing of ways to please to the max her lover.

There are those instances when a handsome BK in male body enters Gyan, who is multi-talented, royal and the face of a Hollywood superstar. Outside of Gyan, women will be secretly scheming for dates with such a Brother. In Gyan, that Brother can become the target of psychological abuse including astral intercourse with Sisters who have amorous or passionate desires towards the Brother.

I have known this to happen to a Brother who became a BK more than 30 years ago. For sure, becoming a BK is a type of soul-mate ship and there are karmic accounts, some profound to be settled with other souls in bodies.