ex-l wrote:I am forced to presume that she had some kind of mental breakdown or was suffering from such deep stress and depression which went unnoticed and drove her to do what she did. Perhaps it was financial, perhaps it was a crisis of faith.
Well, this is the thing that I don't think any of us can correctly pinpoint but Esther herself, and probably through careful self-reflection or therapy. Esther's sister-in-law seemed to conclude at the time that the reason was because her business was not doing as well as she had hoped, and the thought of looking for a job at her age etc was too much pride to swallow. But I certainly doubt that this the sole reason. As we are of Asian ethnicity, our social culture is to hide and mask our insecurities and put on a front that says "Nothing's wrong"; Esther always seemed like a really strong willed and independent individual, and none of us thought that she would do something like this.
At that time, Esther's Brother and sister-in-law's Christian influence was imparted unto me (but I now no longer follow any religion in particular), and Esther was able to identify and challenge those elements of that faith that seemed 'off-key' or unbalanced, close minded, at times extreme.
Esther's sister-in-law's other speculation for the cause of her death was Brahma Kumaris and Raja Yoga's belief. However, as a Christian herself, they see all other religions as ''the wrong religion'' anyway, and ''only those who believe in Jesus Christ will go to heaven''. So I personally think her assumption in the area of religious influence is somewhat skewed anyway.
Like I mentioned in my first post, I believe that all religions have that potential to be extreme and unbalanced. I have learned through the years that there are mega churches, particularly in the U.S., where there are pastors making millions of dollars from their so called "faith healing"s, enabling them to afford expensive cars and convertibles whilst preaching not to fall prey to greed and material things of this world. At church, the vulnerable with physical impairment and disabilities are encouraged to go up to the altar/stage for their healing, and if they weren't healed after, it was because "their faith was not strong enough", or that "God is wanting to teach you something". And guilt-tripping the vulnerable to impart with their money as a "donation" for the church etc ... I have known of suicides committed by these vulnerable followers in the Christian religion also.
Although Esther seemed strong willed and independent, I always felt that she had a sad vibe about her, but I never could put my finger on what the reason was. It was as if she was just living to stay alive. I think she started searching for a spiritual pillar to lean on not long after her divorce with her now ex-husband. There were times (when she officially identified with the BKs and their faith) when she would impart life wisdom, but something in her voice gave off a striving air about it. Like she was struggling to achieve the wisdom.
In conclusion, I think it was multiple factors that lead to her committing the act, there were most probably things that came up in her teenage years she held inside which escalated to her adult life and beyond. I was/am at no surprise to find that Esther may have been following another extremist group to find a higher meaning for her existence.
Maybe Esther followed the "business advice" of the BK leaders? She rarely spoke in detail of what happens in a Raja Yoga meeting/session, all I heard of was meditation, and connecting with Dadi Janti (?), and the rank that one aspires to achieve one day.