freedom wrote:Yes, the idea of the world ending in a few years ( this was 22 years ago), made me feel like a total loser, I lost faith in any dream, education, people, and my inner power TO CONSTRUCT, TO CREATE, but FORTUNATELY I left the organization and little by little ( a few years actually), I believed in myself again , my hopes, my dreams ... I am 45 years old and feel like my life just started
Gracias ex-l and Freedom for your comments. Unfortunately, i was introduced to BK knowledge when i was under the age of 10. The BKs had only recently started selling themselves in the West in particular in Europe and, boy, were they strict as some of you may remember. As a child, I couldn't doing anything that was against the Seniors' wishes.
The end of the world dogma was so drummed into my sub-conscious that many decisions I took as I was growing up, were on the basis of all this rubbish. For example, I decided not to study further because the senior BKs would discourage you to go to University in case you got influenced by other young people. Also, they would discourage it because they would say that the education you receive in that University is nothing compared to the education you receive at the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University. They would say that the Brahma Kumaris World Spritual university is the highest university with the highest knowledge. i was discouraged to have a partner, relationship, get married, have children etc. What a load of bullsh**!!
On the basis of the influence of the BK organisation, today I find myself suffering considerably in all aspects of my life, whether it is my education, career, relationships family, you name it! This is one of the worst kind of upbringing for any child. I feel that I have completely lost my real personality and have lived a life almost like a zombie for years and years. My personality has been totally crushed, my dreams, my ambitions etc. My life has been such that all i have done is to try to please others. The Brahma Kumaris discouraged me from doing many things that a normal child would do. Things like having friends, going out with friends, going to the cinema, reading books, eating out, having a haircut, having fun. socializing, not eating food made by anyone except a BK etc. No human being especially not a child should be discouraged or deprived of doing these things!
I feel that my life has been of nothing but suppression. I feel that I have been stripped of my childhood and of growing up normally. Some days I just feel that i cannot continue my life any longer. It's too painful and too much of a struggle. i feel very very lonely, confused, depressed, sad and angry at the same time.
I have never ever had a partner or relationship as this was prohibited as a BK, especially if you were a young BK (a virgin). Relationships of any sort were completely and utterly discouraged. i was told that the only relationship I should have is with God and no one else should pull my intellect. They would also say that the only way you can come close to God is if you detach yourself from everyone and everything including your own body. Be detached from the world and worldly relations.
How sad a life is that? For me to now think about having a partner or relationship seems quite challenging. I don't know where to start. I keep feeling that who the hell is going to understand me, understand where I am coming from, accept me the way I am. I have lost faith and trust in myself and others.
The only thing that is helping me to survive right now is my visit to a counselling therapist. I am fortunate that I have found a therapist with whom I am able to talk to, trust and share my feelings but, boy, is it painful and overwhelming at times. Some days, I just don't want to continue living. It all feels like to much to handle by oneself. All i can do is to pray and hope that one day, God will point me in the right direction. I just hope that God puts some people onto my path who will be able to give me the love and comfort that I missed out on as a child. I do not know how much longer I can cope with this pain alone!
Anyway, thank you in advance for reading this. This was the only place i could let it out other than with my therapist.
That's all for now from the confused
, depressed,
, angry
, sad
Viva.
Ciao