Sex, Sexuality and Relationships within the BKWSU or PBKs

During my years in Gyan, I met few psycologists and various therapeutists that, being in contact with the BKs, noticed how our “spiritual family”, seemed highly disfunctional, suggesting that members, before getting involved and start teaching RajYoga should have undergo a proper treatment. At that time, as I was duped by the Bkism, I was defending with all my might the idea that RajYoga being the highest, is the panacea for all illnesses and how dare someone questioning that and why the need of looking any further? There’s only one shop: Baba’ general store.

I noticed disfunctionalities, in BKs behaviours and personalities but I hadn’t quite noticed that my own disfunctionality had brought me to the BK and made me stay. Most of my personality problems and traumas have just been swept under the carpet, adhering to Bkism. I thought that some transformation had occurred and gradually I would become pure and free from all burdens. What really made me take a significant leap forward, was Al-Anon. Those meetings made me open my eyes about deeply rooted sankars I had, areas that RajYog doesn’t cover, and for which no real methods are given.

I was really stimulated by many of the mails around different topics , on the Forum, and want to try and summarize some of them.The picture is becoming clearer, in my mind. Some posters were saying that often officialized and life lasting celibacy is a hideout for people who have sexual problems and frustrations, and how a disability, the moment you come in Gyan, becomes an asset, something to become pride of and start preaching about. If you have problems at relating with the other gender, you can transform that handicap and boast your ego instead, convincing yourelf that you are in fact higher than common people, an angel and deity from past and in the future.

If you have problems at loving people, either cannot love or love too much and consequently suffer, just hide behind the holiness of detachment. If you are a failure at your study and work, who cares, that’s only lokik stuff, and anyway, destruction is around the corner, this is the real university and real biz, we'll get the true inheritance of Paradise through it. If u are unfit, sloppy or have eating disorders its OK. Its acceptable being fat, ugly and shabby, this is in line with soul consciousness. If you are depressed, have no interest in socializing, not going out, no interest in entertainment or cultural events, this is accurate according to Shrimat, stay home and meditate, a good introverted soul.

If you are not generous or caring for others, it’s OK, everyone has his own karma and part in Drama. You can add so many cover ups we used for our weaknesses. More than anything, invest all your energy in the BK org, they’ll soothe you!

Specifically about celibacy, I always looked down, even until recently I confess! - on people who were in contact with the BKs (through programs, courses and retreats) and roam around hoping to meet a spiritual partner as they usually do in other organizations. "We are not like Rajneesh or Sai Baba, or Hare Krisna! One comes here to learn about purity and the sole relationship worthwhile, the one with God!" But today I was thinking, well what's wrong for people who have spiritual interests in wanting to meet friends with whom they can be on the same wavelenght? Vegetarians, idealists, not materialistics folks? Is it a crime wanting a companion? Is anybody not willing to be single forever, a "Shudra"?

I enjoyed those larks about Mr. Green making a good partner, since he underwent BK training and cohabitation! Sure, BK Brothers learn how to be self-sufficient, cook, clean and iron, and can be less burdening for a partner but apart from the practical aspects, this posts made me reflect about something more. Since my disfunctions had condemned me to the not optional way of living as a single. I, from my position, reinforced by other pakka BKs, always pitied on BKs that pair off and run away together. Baba calls them the foolest. Even pairing off with the best intentions of remaining platonic, doesn't get SS’s or centre’s blessings, maybe a subtle curse instead. It’s envy.

Probably I, subconciously, I was envying them and at the same time I was skeptical about the fact that a coulpe could last. This is a projection of my parents’ marriage that was not working, and I have a mark from it. Anyway, some left and even had children. It was not cool to enquire why they left, and even contacting them just in case things were working out fine for them and they were happy! Better not be tempted of following their example.

Some failed and returned with tail between their legs to the BKs. No interaction is encouraged between the EX and BKs,: it’s very much an "in or out" choice . I mentioned in another previous post, that I was studying the side effects of sex. Further on that churning, I see that, if I take for instance "jealousy" (we could similarily expand on dependency or fear to loose a partner, or aggressivity and being prone to arguments, lack of power to accomodate,and all the challenges couples have to face) which is a typical emotion associated with an intimate relationship.

Can I be so blind, and helpless in front of it that I cannot be in a couple and not fall a victim of it? So helpless that I prefer not to see where is it rooted in, how to eradicate it, take a closer look and admit that it’s based on insecurity, lack of self esteem and fear, and that maybe I have to work earnestly on all these things, rather than shutting the door on my subconscious and lock myself up in the refuge of celibacy, sentenced to being single forever? Do I want to be an ostrich or Durga, the Shakti that rides the tiger?

For the BKs, riding the tiger has the limited meaning of repressing sexual instincts. That’s it. You are holy. Not enough for me. And jelousy, attractions, dependencies, still go on, more or less hidden, in the "pure" BK relationships and interactions.

Apologies for such a long mail. It’s all your fault, and your valuable sharing, folks, if I am thinking a lot, these days!

p.s. I finally chose to post this mail in here, as there were many references to gender and sexuality, although the insights about disfunctionalities came from your posts in the newcomers Forum, if I recall. But it all connects and I did not want to break the train of thoughts.

I always find it "kinky" when Sisters at meals served larger portions to Brothers on the account that they are Brothers. They have bigger appetites as if it implied something impure. such as stronger sexual appetite.

The answer is easy - the fatter YOU as a Brother become, the less sexually appealing you'll be to the Sisters! So, who has the stronger sexual appetite, the Brothers or the Sisters?

(Huge Grin!)

It is much easier for a woman to learn how to love herself, if she has a man, who desires and worships her

It is generally believed that human beings have sex either for pleasure or reproduction. However, the number of people driven with these motivations has been reducing steadily during the recent years. The majority of humans use sex as the most pleasant and available remedy for a whole bouquet of problems.

It is an open secret that a person gets into a cheerful mood during an act of love. In addition to purely psychological satisfaction, the human body produces endorphin – the hormone in charge of elevated spirits and positive perception of the environment. Researchers say that such inspiration comes from the activity of certain brain centers, which change the hormonal status of the body. Good quality sex produces a spiritually elevating effect on the chemical level, which does not require any additional efforts.

Prior to the culminating moment of an act of love, orgasm, the brain emits a dose of oxytocin – the hormone of the posterior lobe of pituitary. Oxytocin results in the production of sedative endorphins – natural analogues of morphine. Sex spurs the production of estrogen with women – the substance, which eases premenstrual pains. Therefore, sex is the best painkiller.

One may say that a bed is the best equipment for physical exercises that man has ever designed. The pulse rate of a sexually excited individual increases from 70 to 150 beats per minute, which is comparable to muscle efforts of a weight-lifter. Only one sexual intercourse burns off the same amount of calories that a person loses running on a treadmill for 15 minutes. Needless to say that the first option is much more pleasant than the second one. Thirty minutes of sex kill about 200 calories. In other words, daily sex can take away 500 grams of your weight in a week.

Sex is a very good impetus for the strengthening of the immune system. It has been tentatively proved that those people, who have sex on a regular basis, are much more protected against various viral diseases than those, who prefer abstinence: healthy sex saturates blood with antibodies. Therefore, sexually active men and women suffer from widespread infectious diseases such a flu and cold less frequently. As for sexually transmitted diseases, the answer is obvious: a condom makes perfect.

It may seem unreal, but it is a fact: regular sex enlarges women's breasts. Sexual excitement intensifies the bloodstream, which may add 25 percent to a woman's breast size. Furthermore, women can raise their IQ with every orgasm that they experience. American scientists, who continuingly study sexual possibilities of homo sapiens, discovered that the moment of orgasm gives a very powerful incentive to a large number of chemical reactions and physical procedures in the body. The speed of blood circulation reaches its maximum, whereas the oxygen-enriched blood reaches all internal organs, including brain, very quickly. Hypothalamus – the center for control of the hormonal system – also governs the work of learning and memorizing centers.

It goes without saying that an act of love ends with the ultimate relaxation and sleep, especially if it occurs after a hard day at work. The raising level of oxytocin produces a strong tranquillizing effect. Sex can therefore be considered as a perfect natural soporific medication.

Sex trains almost all groups of muscles, especially muscles of pelvis, buttocks, stomach and arms, which is an important factor for women. Regular love acts improve the bearing and exert a favorable influence on the musculoskeletal system. In addition, sex results in the production of collagen – the substance, which adds smoothness and glow to women's skin. Progesterone, another hormonal product of sex, helps a person fight acne. American scientists concluded as a result of their research that couples, who love each other at least three times a week, look two or three years younger than their coevals, who either abstain from sex or hardly ever enjoy it.

Any long-legged beauty girl annoys you, especially if she looks younger and prettier. A photograph of a beautiful model wearing fancy designer clothes ruins your entire day. Only passionate sex can save you from this infirmity. When a man tells his woman that she is the most beautiful lady on Earth, a woman usually stops thinking about several centimeters of fat on her waist or the fading elasticity of her skin. Psychologists say that it is much easier for a woman to learn how to love herself, if she has a man, who desires and worships her.

A national telephone company advertises a long-distance telephone slogan, "Reach out and touch someone." Each day, we need to reach out and touch those who are close to us. All of us - young and old, single and in relationship - need touch. Actions, in many cases, communicate more than words. Physical contact is a prerequisite both for a healthy individual, and for a fulfilling, mature, loving relationship with a partner.

Our bodies require touch: it relieves stress; it makes us happier and healthier. In our fast-paced lives, however, we often forget the importance of giving and receiving affection through physical touch. We deprive ourselves of this very basic need. We also deprive our loved ones. I cannot emphasize enough how important touch is in any of your loving relationships. We strive to diet, to quit smoking, to drink in moderation, and to exercise, in order to promote a healthy body. In my opinion, touching is the most vital gift that you can give and receive.

Touching promotes a healthy mind, body, and soul. I know, for myself, my days are extremely busy, and at times very stressful. I look forward to the end of the day, when I put my arms around my partner and touch her: It calms me, it relieves my stress, and it allows us to demonstrate our love for one another. When I go out and I see a good friend, I give them a hug: it makes me feel good -- and I am sure that it makes them feel good, too. If you have young children, and you arrive home, they're excited to see you; in most cases, they want physical contact from you-they want a hug, a cuddle, and a kiss. It makes them feel loved and cared for, and gives them the security that they need from you. After a long, stressful day, that hug and cuddle, whether it's from your child, partner, or even a friend, is the best medicine you can give yourself.

You may be single at this time. Being single doesn't mean that you don't need touching and physical closeness in your daily life. Especially if you have recently ended a relationship, you may be missing the hugs, kisses, embraces and handholding that you once had. Your life and the world do not stop because you're not currently in a loving relationship - neither does your need for physical closeness and touching. Remember your priorities: it all starts with you loving yourself and taking responsibility for giving yourself what you need. I am not talking about masturbation here (though that may be what some people need). The art of touching encompasses non-sexual as well as sexual touch. It's equally important, whether you are single or in a relationship, to get your daily allowance of touching. Demonstrating physical closeness with family and friends is one way to elevate your mood, allowing you to feel loved and fulfilled, while giving love to others. Try babysitting your niece or nephew, or maybe a friend's child. Young children love holding hands and being hugged or cuddled. This type of touching not only makes them healthier, but also does wonders for you. Also, going for a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, or even a haircut can provide the touching stimulation that our skin needs.

If you are in a relationship, both sexual and non-sexual touch are important. During the euphoric stage of a relationship, sexual touch predominates. You cannot keep your hands off of each other. I think you all know what I am talking about. In the beginning, sex is a very important part of your relationship with the other person. When mature love begins, non-sexual touch becomes more important, as touch takes on an additional meaning. While sexual touch can communicate sexual feelings, non-sexual touch can simply communicate your love, care, and affection for one another.

Physical closeness and touching stimulates the continued growth of your loving relationships. As our relationships progress, we sometimes begin to take others for granted; we simply get lazy, especially with our loved ones. When it comes to practicing the art of loving in your daily life, you cannot be lazy or take anybody for granted, including yourself. Touching is an integral part of this art, which requires knowledge, effort, and, above all, practice. If you are in a loving relationship, make a concerted effort to touch your partner. Don't forget to hug and kiss one another before you leave for work, or when you return home. Take advantage of quiet moments during the day to give affection to one another. Hold hands in a movie, at a restaurant, or while walking down the street. Showering or bathing together promotes touching, and will give you physical closeness with your partner. Whether you are at home or in public, demonstrate physical closeness with one another. I am not talking about public displays of affection that would make those around you want to yell, "Get a hotel room!" I am sure you and your partner know appropriate ways to be physically close in public, to show your caring and affection for one another.

If you need physical closeness-a hug, a snuggle-communicate your need to your partner. If a hug is all you want, clearly communicate this. So often, the desire for physical closeness gets misinterpreted as a desire for sex. If your partner is tired and interprets your touch as a desire for sex, it may result in your partner pulling away from you -- which, in turn, may leave you feeling rejected. If your partner frequently thinks that you want to have sex, when in fact you don't, he or she could develop performance anxiety. By not clearly communicating your needs, you risk losing both sexual and non-sexual intimacy with your partner. It's not uncommon for one partner to need more physical connection than the other. Its very normal: we're all different, with different backgrounds, experiences, and needs. Nevertheless, people are often afraid to talk about the subject of touching in a straightforward, honest way.

So often, an attempt to communicate one's needs turns into an attack: "You never hold my hand anymore!" "You're more interested in holding the remote control than me!" "As soon as your body hits the bed, you're asleep in thirty seconds. Why don't you hug me and hold me like you used to?" This type of communication doesn't work. All it does is put your partner on the defensive. Solutions can only be reached through clear communication and compromise. It's so much easier and kinder to ask calmly for what you need, rather than make demands and accusations.

When you aren't communicating clearly and aren't getting your needs met, all kinds of thoughts start going through your mind: "He doesn't love me anymore." "Is she fooling around with somebody?" "I must not be attractive anymore." Your partner, on the other hand, may feel inadequate or guilty for not giving you what you need -- or may believe that you are too clingy or dependent. This may lead your partner to question his or her love for you, or level of commitment to the relationship. You both begin to feel insecure, and the degree of trust you feel for one another diminishes. The domino effect comes into play: all of a sudden, communication comes to a standstill. Fear that the love is gone and the relationship is ending adds to the anxiety, further fueling the fire of anger and resentment between you. This is not melodramatic. Many relationships fail today due to misunderstandings that stem from miscommunication about how we want, like, or need to be touched.

When touching between two partners stops, it is clearly a sign that the relationship is in trouble. I feel that it is important, in the early stages of a relationship, to openly discuss you and your partner's individual needs for physical closeness. Discuss your likes and dislikes in regard to being touched. What a relief to remove all that ambiguity! Knowing what your partner likes and dislikes is important information. Taking the time to gather this type of knowledge builds the foundation of your relationship, allowing you and your partner to rise in love together. The physical closeness of touching connects two individuals in a unique way. It provides emotional warmth and reassures you both that your feelings for one another have not changed. The practice of touching one another daily reinforces and strengthens your relationship. It is the conduit between two individuals that allows them to connect as one.

Pondering the art of touching brings me back to an experience I had. I was spending American Thanksgiving one year with my friend Issa from Florida. Her whole family -- which counted four generations -- was there for this celebration. The aroma of food was not the only thing that permeated the air: As this family reunited for this special day of thanks, the love that the family members had for one another filled the space. Once dinner was concluded, I walked from the backyard, where dinner was held, into the house. There, I discovered the first generation of this family, Issa's grandfather and grandmother, sitting quietly together on the couch, holding hands, and watching their family through the sliding glass doors. It was such a beautiful sight to see this elderly couple in there 90's still so much in love with one another. Clearly, the love that filled the air that day was a result of this couple's love for each other.

It's amazing that after 70 years of being together, this couple still openly demonstrates their love and affection in front of others. I feel that we need to set aside our fears about showing affection in public. There's nothing wrong with holding hands as you walk together or giving your partner a kiss in a restaurant. Physical closeness, touching in public, reinforces your oneness. It's a statement that tells your partner that you are proud to be with him or her. After the euphoric stage has passed and you have entered a more mature phase of the relationship, it shows your partner that your feelings of love are still present. It tells the world that you are a couple in a secure, loving relationship.

Many people are afraid of their need for physical closeness. They fear their need to be touched, and try to deny it. Many people think that, other than with a lover, to demonstrate or receive physical affection is a sign of weakness. I hate genderizing, but men, put aside your machismo: you're human, like the women in this world. You need to be touched and have the ability to demonstrate physical closeness with your family and friends. By recognizing the importance of touch, we are giving ourselves something healthy that we require, and strengthening the relationships we have with family and friends. Practicing the art of touching prepares us, so that when we have an intimate, loving relationship, we recognize the importance of demonstrating physical closeness and emotional warmth with our partner.

It is much easier for a woman to learn how to love herself, if she has a man, who desires and worships her. It is an open secret that a person gets into a cheerful mood during an act of love.

I thought for a moment you were writing of yourself but I see at the end you were copying an article from Pravda. Since when did Pravda become a vessel of "Truth"!?! A double joke because, of course, Pravda means The Truth in Russia.

Yes ... it is only one romantic theory amongst many, and in the case of Pravda the many include ... "Mysterious dwarfish alien brutally murdered in Russia's remote village", "Croc bites off vet's arms (warning graphic images)" and "Pervert obsessed with bondage sex dies after playing victim of Nazi hangman" ... Another that reality does not always measure up to!

If you tell yourself, you will believe it. How is your lover coming along? I am so sorry for you jannisder, you appear to still be hopelessly in love.

Funnily, there is a simpler possibility in another article;

Female orgasm switches of brain areas governing fear 2007/03/26

New research indicates that parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off during female orgasm.

In the study to map brain function during female orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain that governs emotional control is also heavily deactivated.

So, I theorize that it is not the sex, affection or orgasm that is the interesting bit, it is the state of deactivation ... or detachment to put it into BK speak ... that is the attraction. The BKs would argue that you can reach that state of fearless detachment by pracise meditation without the need to involve other human beings or external stimulae which enivitable leave one victim to extreme yin-yang swings. I might actually not disagree with them on that.

This is about health care, not about me.

BK lifestyle is not healthy, that's all i am trying to see.

This is about health care, not about me. BK lifestyle is not healthy, that's all I am trying to see.

Who is to decide? Pravda equal propaganda. Always has done.

One of the problems with the BKs is that we do not have enough scientific data to come to any conclusion. And the problem in reaching that point is that one could never in any possible sense expect the organization, or individuals within it, to produce honest evidence.

There is, however, far more evidence within the secular and non-BK worlds to suggest that "normal" lifestyles and relationships are far, far, far more likely fail and be doomed in 10,000 ways. BK lifestyle is actually a fair easy ride in life an many people are able to carve out a very pleasant and preferable existence within it which, in my opinion, is why they stay. Not the magic of some promised godhead.

Sorry ... its tough love day today! But please publish your sources, or weblinks to articles, if you are going to use someone else's ideas as evidence to support your own desires or theories. (I'd be more interested in research that shows how to switch parts of people's brains 'on' rather than 'off'. Too many folk operate for too long period with them not functioning at all!).

Jannisder, never mind those theories, how is your heart today? ... Have you given up and let go yet, or are you hanging on?

I agree with your sentiments Jan, I am working very hard to make myself healthy as often as I can .

I am very charitable in this and will help any Sister to become healthy (especially the pretty ones).

I am very charitable in this and will help any Sister to become healthy (especially the pretty ones).

Ah, you see grasshopper, you have already entered the illusion of duality and started giving sorry to others ... beside which, plain women have equally good hearts and other organs too (and are far more likely to make more effort to make you happy than the societally defined attractive ones).

Its the old capitalist law of supply and demand kicking into this old dog eat dog world.

Its the old capitalist law of supply and demand kicking into this old dog eat dog world.

Hopefully they will all feel they were the pretty ones .

Well, sorry for the posts.

Rest my case.

Well sorry for the posts. Rest my case.

Don't worry about him, he bites everyone. Both articles were good. Thanks for posting them.

Rather than pasting in the article text, some people will just post a link and a few words of introduction. That's a style issue. I am always interested to read what you post, Jan.

Hugs,

Rather than pasting in the article text, some people will just post a link and a few words of introduction. That's a style issue. I am always interested to read what you post, Jan.

Yeah don't worry about ex-l he always gets a bit jittery if he has to think about his ***** .

yeah don't worry about ex-l he always gets a bit jittery if he has to think about his *****

Lots of guys just let their ***** do their thinking for them.

I believe that all of us, men and women, have some ganglia down there, so that it really is possible--in some cases unavoidable--to 'think with our gut' or other lower centers.

Rather than pasting in the article text, some people will just post a link and a few words of introduction. That's a style issue. I am always interested to read what you post, Jan.

I am much more interested in personal experience and interpretation. You are right, copy and paste conversations are as nourishing to the mind as bubble gum is the body. By all accounts quote a source but let us see you thinking about it within the given context, e.g. BK, ex-BK.

Journalists appear to have been appointed a god-like guru status to think for us in the West, just because they are on the television or in the papers, that their lifestyle, personal qualities and agenda seldom warrant. And the cod academia they base their work on is not a lot better.

Its that old ex-BK vs. non-BK divide rearing its head again.