enlightened wrote:My condolences to Esther's family ... It's very sad indeed. What was her full name and in which country/city did this happen?
I feel even sadder because I've been having suicidal thoughts myself a while ago and continue to do so from time to time. I don't really feel I have any support from anyone. I am having to find ways of hanging in there but my coping mechanisms for pain are extremely low at times.
I think I'll get through somehow but it can be quite scary at times when you imagine the worst.
For someone suffering from depression during or after exiting a sect like the Brahma Kumaris, and for someone who is undergoing therapy to try and undo the damage, it is extremely challenging because the pain that goes with it can sometimes be overwhelming. As a human, you can only cope with so much pain at any given time and this is why, some resort to taking their lives as it seems like the only option especially when there is no one to support them through these challenging times.
Believe you and me, some days are extremely hard, but something or someone is keeping my spark alive.
Don't despair or ever give up, Enlightened! Please don't. There are many, many people such as myself who send you their warmest feelings of care and love and would give you support if they met you. I wish you well and I don't even know you. I will PM you. If you live in my part of the world, perhaps we can make contact in the non digital world? Don't be shy or hesitant. I don't bite!
If you have family or friends, even if you cut them off because of the BK thing, get in touch with them again. They may surprise you with their views. If they can be a support for you, then grab that with both hands! If they are part of a dark cycle and are part of cause of sorrow in your life, move away from that.
But get in touch with some professional counsellors. Please do it. Don't sit there in those troubled emotions suffering like that. You can actually get into a better space. Why suffer in silence? You might be surprised that there are many others who have gone through what you're going through. You're not alone, not by a long shot.
It helps to have someone experienced, caring and sympathetic to share your inner world with. They can also help you to understand what's going on inside yourself, to help accept yourself and generally feel better about life, yourself, everything. A good counsellor will have a lot of those therapy qualifications and conduct themselves professionally, but will be understanding, accepting and helpful.
This life we have in this world is meant for pleasure and happiness actually. Life is good. Even if you leave the BK path, life can be wonderful and enjoyable.
I went through it all 20 years ago when I left BK life. I found some great counsellors who have enormously helped me and now I am successful and happy.
And if it's the whole BK thing that's upsetting you, don't worry, that can be sorted out too. I have come to a place where I am actually taking it up again, yet I remain natural and easy and living life in a productive way! I will be posting in coming times my experiences and thoughts on the whole Brahmin path. In summary, I sincerely and firmly believe we bring a lot of baggage to following a spiritual path and then it becomes very skewed. But what's wrong with points of understanding like: you are a spirit, God is a loving beautiful soul, we are more than these bodies, etc, etc. It's all actually very positive material.
I want you to know that Baba loves you no matter happens in this world that we live in with our ups and downs. This is not a BK parrotting Murli points. The BK path is actually meant for understanding and compassion. Who could possibly argue that God is cold or hateful? That's nothing but wrong thinking. No, he loves each one in a real and honest way. And it may suprise you that many BKs would strongly agree with that and would be accepting of you and supportive.
Those in the BK Family make mistakes sometimes, you know. The senior ones have achieved a lot, but they make mistakes based on subtly wrong thinking. We have to forgive them their errors too, don't we? Or is the truth that we ourselves are wracked with guilt? Is the truth of it that we don't actually forgive ourselves for our weak parts inside? Seniors don't even come into it really.
Is it us that has the self-esteem problem, so we leave BK life and feel riddled with squirming guilt? Learn to ditch the guilt, I say.
You may feel like crap, but going through what you're going through can be the springboard for you to finally sort out some underlying emotional issues in your life. As happened with me. Just get that counselling! And shop around to find the best counsellor you can get in your area.
Life goes on! Think positively. That's the lesson in life. BK or no BK, life goes on. Do you have any hobbies? Take them up again. Mix with happy, friendly, nice people, if any come along. Buy some New Age self help books. There are many great ones in every book store. There you can read people who went through cancer, or drugs, or abuse, but learnt to think and accept themselves and find better peace inside. They're an example of others who have gone through dark times. Many people do and you would never know it looking at them. Find things to enjoy, and never let misplaced guilt connected with a misunderstanding of the BK life wreck that for you. Go to the park, have picnics, go watch good movies, make friends, etc.
If you're in a dark space right now, it can be hard to get out of. One truth is that it's OK to have dark, sad or depressed feelings. You don't have to 'snap' out of it. The above is just generally good advice in living well. The truth is, those depressed feelings are coming from deep inside and you will have to own them, accept them and understand why they are there. Were you abused as a child?
Yes, Baba teaches us this is all a drama and we did karma for which bad circumstances in life happen. But that doesn't lessen the emotional impact. This is a mistake many on the BK path make. It just takes a lot more than simply trying to "switch" bad feelings off. A counsellor can really help you walk on that journey inside to help you understand what triggered your depression and feelings of loneliness.
Part of taking the advice I've written such as making friends, also does require one to project positivity to the outside world. It's a sad cycle to be caught in to feel down, then the external world becomes less friendly and pleasant in response. It's harder to make friends in a gloomy mood.
But far from a trap that you never break free from, it is possible to start a more positive cycle with a bit of determination, taking help where you can find it, and making a fundamental shift in your personal attitude.
Think positively and learn to love yourself. A counsellor will help with that. If how you see BK life is bothering you, drop it! Forget about it! When you come to a better emotional place inside, you can come to a better understanding of BK life too actually, like I did. You may find after you get a handle on the inner dark side, that you actually do still care about the beautiful spiritual messages behind BK life.
Much love,
Peter S.