bansy wrote:Basically, you won't meet something fresh or someone new if you don't do move. Your problems will not entirely go away but maybe your views on them will.
This is good advice. A non-BK friend once said similar to me;
If you always do what you have always done; you will always get what you have always gotten.
I respect you coming out publicly - BKs and the BKWSU should see this stuff. There is shared responsibility. Folks ought to know about the flipside of 'The Raja Yoga Experience' before they get into it too deeply.
It is tough stepping out on your own. Facing up to the fact that you have been a huge jerk off and wasted years of your life by giving them away to others is difficult to face up to - and explain to the rest of the non-BK world that you are now going off to meet. Mentally, for its own purposes, BK Raja Yoga is 'specifically' designed to separate you from the rest of the World and being able to ask for and accept help from others. Least of all non-Gyanis, which makes finding and accepting a suitable guide for normal life.
But buying [learning to ride] a motorcycle has worked for more than a few too !
" Get your motor running, head out on the highway, look for adventure, whatever comes your way ... ". Its a great mantra and its deeply metaphorical ... just go do something your "mothers" all told you not to and see what happens. Life is short. Bansy's advice is good. Go get some distance and air.
Do stuff to get back into your body, you will be sharing this adventure with it for the rest of whatever time there is. Where there are psychic blockages and you cannot make mental headway, phsyical stuff like movement, bodywork, e.g. massage, dance, dare_I_say_sex, are the other way to break through blockages. To a degree, you have to destroy everything you have built up over your years in Gyan. The Festival Season is not over, go find a hippie camp with a sweatlodge, get barenaked in a field at night with a bunch of strangers that really don't care, do silly stuff, laugh and cry ... ! It is 'make your own path' time.
I'd like to talk more about this fairly universal experience after leaving Gyan, but it is your choice whether you want to do it here or in the backroom. We ought to all share experiences of how we came to terms with the breakup.
Good luck.